For the past several days I haven't had any spark. I could blame it on 'that time of the month', but I'm not really sure that is it!
I think it's because I haven't seen any real weight loss in a few weeks. I'm at 151.2 so I'm hovering around the 60 lbs mark - and I feel like I've been there for a VERY LONG TIME!!!!!! Yuck. Not fun. Not fun at all......
This is also my kids spring break, so I haven't been getting to the gym like I want to. The babysitters seem to be out of town, so here I am. Starting to get VERY stressed out about my weight & lack of exercise when I should be enjoying the time I have with my kids! And don't get me wrong - I have been enjoying it - but I've also felt like a bit of a stress-monster too. Once again, Yuck.
So, what am I going to do about it? What CAN I control right now?
I can control my eating. I've been bringing lunches with us wherever we go. So for the most part I CAN control my eating. But am I - NO! Yesterday we went to the ECHO Center and I brought lunches with us. But then we ended up going to Pizzaria Uno and ate half of Preston's pizza. Nine points. I also ordered steamed veggies for myself - very good. But Really - DID I NEED TO EAT HALF OF PRESTON'S PIZZA?!?!?!?! NO - I did not. I'm disappointed in myself. I know better than that.
Tonight I got home from being out and about (did REALLY good with my food until I was home too!), then I came home and BLEW IT!!!!! I PIGGED OUT!!!!! WTF is WRONG with me?!?!?!??!
I'm not happy with myself. I'm pissed at myself. I don't want to become that fat woman that I was. I want to be thin & healthy! I want to WIN this!
Plan. I need a plan. BAD! I'm tired. Stressed. Pissed. Frustrated. If it's not good I'm feeling it.
Sitting here, writing this blog as I'm crying is not fun. This isn't the Jenn that is supposed to be so inspiring. This is the Jenn that struggles and needs help. This is the Jenn that needs inspiration from somewhere. I'm supposed to be getting inspiration from inside myself, right? Well - I'm not sure where it went. I'm still tracking and I'm disgusting myself every evening.
I look at myself in the mirror and I look good to myself. But I'm still overweight. Fifteen freaking pounds and I'm still overweight. Ugh.
I'm tired. I need to regroup. I need a plan.
I'm going to bed. Hopefully something amazing will worm its way into my dreams.
Good Night.
This is NOW!!!!
Wow - I'm feeling pretty good about myself! :) 150.2 lbs!!!!
Just remember this is not easy... if it were easy...there would be.no reward. Tomorrow is a new day and when you wake up your spark will be there... its always there you just have to ignite it! You are a very strong inspirational lady as well as human! We have bad times to appreciate the good! Chin up and get your zumba on on the.kitchen if you have to! Just doing instead of thinking will help ignite ;)
ReplyDeleteWhen you hit a wall, it's not to stop you; it's a reminder of how badly you want to get beyond it! You are so close, and you are also becoming a "natural" eater again, I am sure. You are inspirational to everyone who sees you or reads your story.... but now you need to gather steam and strut your stuff! You may not think you're making headway, but even our setbacks can move us ahead. Vacation week with those boys can be a challenge, but in a good way. Now not today in the rain, but when it's nice outside...... just get out and follow them around. If they're not energetic enough, have them follow you around! You've got enough energy for those two!
ReplyDeleteJen...my god you have lost 60 POUNDS for goodness sakes. You are amazing and we have to learn how to be able to have treats and cheat sometimes and still make it all work...it's all about the balance, don't be so hard on yourself. Once the weather changes you will have renewed inspiration.
ReplyDelete