Are you interested in losing weight? Or are you committed?

I went to my home Weight Watchers meeting today and celebrated 52 lbs of weight loss!!!!  It was pretty damn exciting!  I've worked hard at home, but there is something so affirming about being recognized for your hard work in a meeting.  I would still go to a meeting if it was more convenient for me - but it's not, so I just do my own thing and share it with the world!  It's amazing - I've had views from the US (duh), Canada (duh again), Puerto Rico, Russia, Germany, Malaysia & Singapore!  WOW!  The power of the net, eh?

I just realized I've lost the equivalent of a 50 lb bag of potatoes!  WOW!!!!!

Anyhoo - At the meeting this question came up:  "Are you interested in losing weight, or committed?"  THIS HITS THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD, dontcha' think????  There are a LOT of people that are interested in losing weight, but only a percentage of those people are also COMMITTED to losing it!  I have been in both camps.  For years I knew my weight was creeping up on me, and I was VERY interested in losing weight, but it was too hard, I didn't have enough time, I wasn't getting enough sleep because of my kids, blah blah blah.....  We've all heard it, and we've all said it!  We have a MILLION excuses as to why we aren't losing weight.  We're INTERESTED, but not committed enough to have the focus that it takes to turn our interest into commitment. (remember the gazelle analogy from Feb 22nd?  If you don't - go back and read it!)

When I joined WW in June, 2008 I was indeed committed.  I was focused.  I lost 25 lbs relatively quickly.  Then I met Scott.  And while a new relationship seems like a VERY bad excuse as to why I wasn't losing weight, I think it was!  Scott is really skinny - as in REALLY skinny.  He is 5'6" and weighs 144 lbs.  I'm not exactly sure what he saw in me when we first started dating, but I've outweighed him the entire time we've been together.  I was so focused when we were first together - I was eating right, even cooking him WW recipes (as if HE needs to eat that!!!), I was going to the gym,we went on walks together, he was supportive and I was losing weight.  Then I got comfortable.  It was easy to make excuses as to why I should make Chocolate Chip Cookies (he's skinny - he can eat them!!!  Yeah - but I'M not skinny - so I shouldn't!!!)  Being lazy was SO much easier than being focused!!!!!

Well, time went by and a bit of the weight I'd lost started to creep up on me.  Not much of it, but enough that it was bothering me - and the fact that it was bothering me was bothering him.  I wasn't the focused WW girl he fell in love with.  I was starting to give up and to use the same old excuses that got me where I was when I weighed 210.2 lbs!  That wasn't working for me!!!!!

When I started on this latest weight loss journey it was jump started by accident.  But, that accident has been the source of a LOT of focus & intensity for me!  It is my commitment!  The only reasons I use on myself now are I HAVE to do this - my life is AWESOME, and I don't want to short myself on ANY of it!!!!

OK - enough inspirational woo woo crap for now.  I've got to get my buns to town meeting.  When I come home I'll finish up my recipes to post (look at the bottom for the broccoli wasabi peanut salad - it is SOOOooo good!!!!) & I'll add any additional insights I may have while I'm at the meeting!

Cheers!

Food for last 3 days!

I've been tracking my foods, but I've been HORRIBLE about posting my foods.  I feel like if I don't keep up with this I will start to slack on my tracking - so here goes!

Friday 2/23 - 39 PP for the day
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + 1 mango (0 PP)

Lunch:
     4 servings Whole Wheat Pizza Dough (18 PP ACK!!!)
     3 servings Jenn's Pizza topping (tomato sauce, cheese, mushrooms & tomatoes 4 PP)

Dinner:
     1 c. Cranberry-Pear Chicken (5 PP)
     1/4 c. brown rice (1 PP)
     1 c. steamed zucchini (0 PP)

Snacks:
     1 oz. chocolate covered cherries (3 PP)
     5 clementines (0 PP)
     1 t. mini chocolate chips (1 PP)

Saturday 2/26 - 33 PP for the day
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + 1 c. blueberries (0 PP)

Lunch:
     Quiche from Cubbers (11 PP)
     Cup of Chili from Cubbers (4 PP)
     3/4 slice of BBQ Chicken Pizza from Cubbers (4 PP)

Dinner:
     2 1/2 oz. pork loin (4 PP)
     2 c. steamed zucchini (0 PP)
     1 c. grapes (0 PP)
     1 serving Broccoli Wasabi Peanut Salad (will post recipe SOON I promise!)

Snacks:
     None!  :)

2/28 - 28 PP for the day
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + 1 sliced banana (0 PP)

Lunch:
     1 1/2 slices Cinnamon Swirl Bread w/ 2 t. butter (5 PP)
     4 Cape Cod Salt & Pepper chips (1 PP)
     2 Oranges (0 PP)

Dinner:
     4 oz. shredded pot roast w/ bbq sauce (9 PP)
     2 c. steamed zucchini (0 PP)

Snacks:
     1 Chocolate Chip Cookie (4 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

I'm done eating for the day, gonna' brush my fangs to keep from eating more cookies, then off to watch a movie!

TOMORROW IS WEIGH IN AT WEIGHT WATCHERS MEETING!!!!  I haven't been to one in over 2 years!  I'm pretty excited!!!!  :)

Before & After - Still more to come!!!

I was looking through some old pictures of me at my 'before' weight and I was horrified!  But - I'm STILL going to post them!!!!  It's hard to look at how fat I was - and there is no mistake - I WAS FAT!!!!!  I'm still considered obese at the weight I am now and MAN - I look so much better!!!  I was trying on some clothes tonight and I fit in my goal dress!!!!  It wasn't exactly the most FLATTERING look in the world - BUT IT FIT!!!!!  So, here are a few before & after shots.  I'm so excited that I'm closing in on my goal weight.  It is going to be so freaking awesome to be able to hit the beach in a BIKINI this summer!!!!  :)

WEIGH IN #2 of BLOG!!!

So - today I hopped on the scale and it read 156.6!!!!  WOOT!!!!  That is a 2.8 lbs down from last week!!!!  YEAH!!!!!  I'm going to keep this short as we're about to watch a movie - but I was so excited that I wanted to share with my blogging world!

Last week I ended with kind of a disappointing day - but not on purpose!!!  I made a weight watchers pizza for lunch (homemade whole wheat crust - the whole bit) and ate BEFORE I calculated the points.  BAD IDEA!!!!  I ate 18 Freaking Points of Pizza!!!!!  Oops!  But yes - it was good!!!!  I'll post the recipe tomorrow.   It really was good, but I ate 3 pieces and 2 crusts (I DO love the pizza bones!!!) and ended up hogging out by accident!  I ended up going 1 point over for the week - which wasn't too bad, and with the loss that I had this morning I decided to forgive myself.

Tonight I did some cooking and made a really good broccoli salad!  There has been this recipe going around with bacon, peanuts, broccoli, mayo, sugar, etc and I lightened it up a bit.  I think with some tweaking I can lighten it even more!  I'll also post that recipe tomorrow.

I'm pleased with the week I had, I'm heading to my home meeting on Monday to get my 50 lbs loss 'chip' and I am SO excited!!!!  I'm just going to keep on tracking & soon I'll be at my next 10% goal!

I lost a pound today!

But I'll be gaining it back shortly.  I gave the gift of life today - I donated a pint of blood!  The last time I donated I brought my boys with me and they were so worried that I would die because of giving away my blood!  Now that they know I won't die they're all for it!  Grayson was even the little bird on my shoulder reminding me that I had mentioned doing that today.  Makes you feel good & I'm glad that my boys see me as being a role model - they're already asking when they can donate!

So, yesterday I brought my boys cross country skiing - and I've just got to say - it was not fun.  :(  I was really looking forward to it, but it was Preston's first time & Grayson's second time - so, the intense cardio workout I was looking for didn't really happen.  In fact, I just got cold!  :)  The boys did a really good job, but they were definitely ready to be done.  They wanted to go up hills & ski down them so bad - but they had a hard time climbing the hills so it just ended up being a bunch of yelling, screaming & complaining.  Not my idea of a fun afternoon!  I had packed a peanut butter & honey sandwich as a snack for after skiing. (Remember, I was supposed to burn all kinds of calories so the sammie was a treat!)  Well, I just ended up feeling guilty eating it!  But DAMN it was good!  This brings me to something I was thinking about the other day - activity points.

I don't keep track of them!

Why? You might ask!!!  Here's why.  First of all, I don't work out much at all.  Usually just dancing around the house with the boys, or taking a walk with the dogs.  So, the last 25 lbs of weight loss I've had has just been from diet - not exercise!  I think it's great that WW works without the exercise component.  My mom has bad knees & a relatively recently replaced hip.  It's painful to WATCH her walk around, and I can't even imagine how painful it is for her to walk.  She did a great job with WW when I first started.  We really helped each other a lot and she lost quite a bit of weight!  She totally fell off the wagon and has still managed to do a pretty good job of maintaining her loss.  She's gained a bit, but not much.  I'm hoping that she'll start doing WW again with me for a lot of the reasons that I'm doing it.  So she'll be around for her kids until a ripe old age!  Plus, it's wonderful to have the support of your family.  It's fun to swap recipes.  When she has her knee replaced this spring I'll be providing WW inspired meals for her to eat.  Since she'll be a captive hopefully I can get her started on counting her points again.  That is the biggest thing for me and why I think I'm able to lose weight - I've GOT to track my points!  Wow - I got totally off topic, eh?

Back to Activity Points....  My philosophy on Activity Points is this:  If you don't track them you'll lose more weight!  Unless you're some crazy marathon runner (and honestly - we wouldn't be doing Weight Watchers if we were, right???) I don't think you need to 'replenish' your burned activity points with food.  I think once I start back at the gym I'll definitely see a faster weight loss because of this.  I'm not gonna' track them at all!  I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and get to goal faster!  WOOT!

So, here are my food logs for the last two days.  I blasted through way too many points today using the excuse that I donated blood and I needed to eat.  BUT - I DIDN'T need to eat almost an entire package of Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies (LOVE THEM!) and an oreo! (And a turkey & mustard sandwich)  Oh well, I had the points and I used them.  I just hope that I didn't cause too much damage.  I'll jump back on the bandwagon tomorrow with oatmeal for breakfast, a homemade Weight Watchers pizza for lunch & cranberry pear chicken for dinner.  Clementines & grapes for a snack and I'll be good to go for weigh in on Saturday morning! <----- That looks suspiciously like a PLAN, doesn't it??!?!?


Wed 2/23  Total PP:  39
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal w 1 c. raspberries (5 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:
     4 Tortilla Chips (2 PP + 10 squats)
     2 Small Clementines (0 PP)
     1 serving Mac 'n Cheese (8 PP)

Dinner:
     1 1/2 c. Arugula, 2 c Spring Mix (0 PP)
     3/4 oz. gouda (2 PP)
     1 T. maple syrup w/ balsamic vinaigrette glaze (1 PP)
     3 oz. pork loin (4 PP)

Snacks:
     1 T. organic peanut butter (3 PP)
     1 T. honey (2 PP)
     2 slices hearty oat nut bread (6 PP)
     1 1/4 oz. chocolate covered cherries (4 PP)

Thurs 2/24  Total PP:  40
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal w/ 1 c. raspberries (5 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:
     1 c. Lamb Mango from Indian Restaurant (7 PP)
     1/2 c. basmati rice (3 PP)
     1 Naan bread (5 PP)

Dinner:
     2 c. spring mix, 1 c. arugula (0 PP)
     1/2 oz. gouda (1 PP)
     4 oz. pork loin (6 PP)
     1 c. blueberries (0 PP)
     1 T. maple syrup w/ balsamic vinaigrette glaze (1 PP)

Snacks:
     1 Oreo Cookie (1 PP)
     5 Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies (5 PP)
     2 slices turkey (1 PP)
     2 slices whole wheat bread (3 PP)
     4 clementines (0 PP)
     1 c. smart pop kettle corn (0 PP)

These 2 days leave me with 10 extra points to use for the week, so I shouldn't be freaking out at ALL about my last 2 days of eating - even though I went over my daily points by 10 & 11 points, respectively.  All in all I have eaten very healthy foods.  Having a peanut butter & honey sandwich on whole grain bread is NOT the end of the world - and it is actually a very healthy snack!  The cookies are totally an anomaly - not at all what I usually eat!  I also ate out for lunch today with Grayson.  That kid LOVES Indian food!  So we had a mother / son date today.  Lunch, Movie (Gnomeo & Juliet - very sweet!), Neat Repeats (second hand store), used book store, donated blood then picked up Preston from his play date.

We'll, I've got a wicked headache tonight (I hope it's not from donating blood) so I'm gonna' go.  PLUS - Scott just got home!  Looks like I'm getting to bed early tonight!  ;)
    

BOOBS!!!! Or, Focus, Intensity & Inspiration.....

I got so many page hits after last nights blog that I just had to mention boobs again!!!!  Sex really does sell!  :)

Wow - I'm tired!  This week is the kid's school vacation & for some crazy reason when 1 kid has a play date I usually find another play date for the other kid.  So - I had two 6 year old boys and two 7 year old boys over here today.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?  :)

Oh - that's right - I was thinking that they would all entertain themselves and I'd be able to get some stuff done around the house.  Um.... yeah..... right....

Well, to be fair, they were actually really good.  As in VERY good!!!!  Must be us mothers (and fathers!) are doing something right!  :)  And I did clean the fridge out!

So, lately I've heard the words "you've inspired me" by several people.  One person is someone who joined Weight Watchers because of my good successes.  And she's really struggling.  I feel so bad for her, and I'm encouraging her as much as possible, but I'm starting to believe that there is a right time and a wrong time to try to lose weight.  I know, I know.... it seems like any time should be the right time - it's a health thing, right?  But sometimes I think it's too easy to will yourself to fail when you've got too much on your plate.  Everything in your life that is unmanageable takes center stage above & beyond your weight loss.  It's almost like you have to hit rock bottom, or have some crappy life event thrown your way, before you can actually lose weight successfully.  Almost as an alcoholic or addict has to hit rock bottom before they can (or will!) admit that their life is unmanageable, and they need help.  I truly think it's the same way for weight loss.

I think that this desperation leads to intensity & focus like you've never EVER had before!!!!  I think about losing weight 24/7.  I don't think that I'm obsessing over it in an unhealthy way AT ALL - but I feel like an animal on the plains of Africa.  I have this incredible focus & intensity about weight loss that a gazelle does that senses a predator close by.  The minute (well, maybe sometimes the day after) I feel out of control about my eating I rein it in, focus, and move forward.  Beating myself up about something I can't change serves no purpose except to derail my weight loss.  These times are when it would be incredibly easy to say 'the hell with it - I hogged out so I can't do this - I might as well keep eating'.  Times before I had this focus & intensity that is exactly what I would have said & done.  But not this time.  NO WAY!  This is WAY too important to me!!!  I ate too much today and I know it.  I'm not freaking out about it.  I'm almost halfway through my 'weight watchers week' and I still have 31 weekly points left.  So I'm good!  I would love to keep eating, but I'm chewing gum instead and when I finish blogging I'm flossing & brushing my fangs.  That always keeps me from eating!

For those of you that know me and my breast cancer story I've also been an inspiration in other ways - not just with this weight loss.  After my double mastectomy I started thinking about what I was going to do when it was time for me to feed my babies.  I was 31 and freaking out!!!!  I did not want to formula feed!!!!  This was definitely a rock bottom in my life - for sure!  But, a lot of positives came out of it.  I found out about milk banks & put up a website to ask for money to buy milk from the milk banks.  It was EXPENSIVE ($3.25 / ounce at the time) and it would have been over $17,000 to feed my baby human breast milk for 6 months.  WOW!!!!  Along with donations of money I started getting offers of donor milk.  At first I said no.  I'm a scientist & I knew of the diseases that could be transmitted through breast milk, but after some research (and speaking with my doctor) I started accepting donated milk.  I got so much that Grayson only had 1 week of formula for his first year.  He self weaned at exactly a year and then started drinking cow's milk.  When I got pregnant with Preston there was absolutely no question - I would definitely do the same for him!  I had so much milk donated for him that he NEVER had formula and he self weaned at about 15 months!  My story went nationwide!  I was in People magazine, on CNN, on Good Morning America, in the Wall Street Journal, The Burlington Free Press, The Union Leader, etc....  This was a big deal!  The best article was actually written by the Air Force!  http://www.af.mil/news/story.asp?storyID=123006359  I got a LOT of positive responses and one woman even started her own milk sharing website (www.milkshare.com).  On the bottom of her first page it states:  "Kelley was first inspired by Jennifer Connel, a Massachusetts mom who sought to solely breastfeed her children after a double mastectomy. Jenn has successfully provided breastmilk for her two sons through their first year of life and beyond."  (BTW - I used to be Jenn Connel and I used to live in Mass.  Now I'm Jenn Buker and I live in Vermont.)  Someday I'll write a book about all of this - I promise.

So - Inspiration.  That is what I'm finding is what I have needed in order to jump start my weight loss again. My kids inspire me.  I don't want to be a fat mom!  That wouldn't be fun for them and it sure as HELL wouldn't be fun for me!!!  If you read yesterday's blog then you'll know that my friend, Paula Traynor, has also been a big inspiration to me.  And something REALLY fun is that *I* am being an inspiration to me too!!!!  I have lost over 50 lbs!  That is a HUGE deal - pardon the pun....  I AM AMAZING!!!!!  :)  To anyone that I can inspire - that is awesome!  Take it and RUN with it baby!!!!

Breakfast:
     3 blueberry banana pancakes & 1 banana pancake made with 1 t. mini chocolate chips (11 PP)
     1 T. maple syrup (1 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP - it was weak.  Gotta' make it stronger in the morning!)

Lunch:
     1 1/2 c. arugula, 1 1/2 c. spring mix, 1/2 c. pea shoots (all 3 are 0 PP), 1 oz. gouda (3 PP), 3 1/2 oz. t-bone steak (8 PP), 3 oz. ground beef (grass fed, very lean 3 PP), 1 T. maple syrup mixed with 1 T. balsamic vinaigrette glaze (1 PP)
     1/4 serving Mac 'n Cheese (1 PP + 10 squats!)

Dinner:
     3 oz. pork loin (4 PP)
     1/2 serving Mac 'n Cheese (4 PP)

Snacks:
     1/2 serving cheese crackers (2 PP + 20 squats)
     2 oz. Pork Loin (3 PP - had to taste it, it had just come out of the oven + 10 squats!)
     2 clementines (0 PP)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  43

So, I ate too much meat today.  I had no chocolate and really not many snacks - but the snacks I chose weren't all very healthy (Mac 'n Cheese?!?!!?).  I need to drink water when I'm hungry for a snack and see where that leads me.....

My Boobs are getting BIGGER!!!!

Most of the time when you lose weight your boobs get smaller - NOT ME!!!!  I kind of touched on this before, but I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2002 & had a double mastectomy in September 2002.  I decided to get implants so I wouldn't 'feel' like a breast cancer patient, and then I had them tattooed with some very awesome lizard areolas some years after that.  Well, the end result is boobs that stay the exact same size!!!  So, as I'm getting smaller my boobs appear to be getting bigger!!!!  SCORE!!!!!  :)  Big plus - when I'm old my boobs will never sag!!!  Perpetually perky!!!  :)

I just dug this picture out of the archives and I realized this was after I gave birth to my youngest son, Preston.  So, I think I weigh about the same (or ever a bit less) than I did when these were taken!  So exciting!

I was thinking about this today.... When you start Weight Watchers they have you calculate 10% of your weight as your first weight loss goal instead of going right for your 'real' goal.  I weighed 210.2 so my first goal to lose was 21 lbs.  That meant that my first goal weight was 189 lbs.  Once you hit that goal they then have you choose 10% again, which was 170 for me.  I hit that right around Christmas.  My next 10% goal is 153 - and I'm VERY close to that!  I weighed in this morning (after FINALLY having some good poops - TMI I know.....) and I was 157.0!!!!!  So, 4 more pounds and I'll be hitting my THIRD 10% goal!!!!  After that I have 1 more 10% goal to get myself to 138 and then just 3, small, tiny, insignificant pounds and I will be able to proudly say that I reached my REAL goal weight of 135!!!!

When I first starting thinking about 135 it seemed like I would never EVER be able to lose that much weight!  I tried to think of excuses of why my goal weight should be higher than that (I'm very muscular, I'm 40, I have big bones - I just LOVE that one - BIG BONES!!!!  Give me a break!!!)   Seriously, my goal was to lose just over 75 lbs!!!  HOLY SHIT!!!!  That is like losing a second grader that is hanging on to your ankles Every... Single... Day....  That seemed daunting to me.  It STILL seems daunting to me - and I'm over 2/3 of the way there!!!  It's really easy to talk yourself into failing when you have that much weight to lose!  You come up with every excuse in the book as to why you won't be able to do it.  It's too hard, I don't have the time, I'm scared, blah blah blah.  We guess what - IT IS HARD.  BUT, I HAVE TO MAKE THE TIME!!!!  Yes - IT IS SCARY!!!!!  BUT, if I don't do this I will be cheating myself out of a lot that my life has to offer.  I mean COME ON - I had breast cancer at age 31, had both of my breasts cut off and I can't lose a measly 75 lbs!!!!  This is CAKE compared to cancer!  My kids deserve to have me nagging over their shoulders for a LONG TIME!!!!!  Dammit - *I* deserve to be able to live a very full, exciting & wonderful life.  I don't want to cheat myself out of ONE SECOND of it!!!!

CHECK THIS OUT:  A friend of mine, Paula Traynor, is blogging about her weight loss and she's lost nearly 125 lbs!  She's a new mom, has a million jobs & is training for a 1/2 marathon all at the same time.  She posted a picture of herself at her heaviest - 298 lbs.  She just posted a picture of her now - at 175 and she looks AMAZING!!!!  Like seriously - un-freakin-believable!!! http://paulatraynor.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-difference-123-pounds-can-do.html?spref=fb  She's been such an inspiration to me!

Breakfast:
     Blueberry Banana Pancakes (I made 3 pancakes with 3/4 c. of batter for 7 PP), 1 T. maple syrup (1 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:  I wasn't very hungry for lunch today.  I ate my pancakes pretty late so I just had a banana.  (0 PP)

Dinner:  Taco-ish salad with 1 c. Arugula (0 PP), 1 c. spring mix (0 PP), 1 tomato (0 PP), 1 oz. gouda cheese (3 PP), 3 oz. local grass-fed beef (3 PP), 1 T. maple syrup mixed with balsamic vinaigrette glaze (1 PP), 1 soft corn tortilla shredded on top of salad (2 PP)

Snacks:
     2 Rold Gold Honey Wheat braided twists dipped in 1 T. melted chocolate chips (2 PP)
     a few bites of mac 'n cheese (1 PP + 10 squats)
     6 dark chocolate covered cranberries (3 PP + 20 squats)
     2 clementines (0 PP)

Funny story - Grayson got the dark chocolate covered cranberries out of the cabinet and shared some with his brother.  Then he gave me a small handful and said "Here Mama".  I can't say no to my kids so I took them, thanked him, then stuffed them in my mouth.  He then started laughing maniacally and said "Do Your Squats!!!!"  Little stinker!

Total PP for the day:  26

So, I still have 3 PP left for the day.  I think I'm going to brush my teeth and get to bed and be happy that I didn't go over on points!  Tomorrow I have my two boys PLUS two of their friends over to play.  It's going to be a busy day at my house and I need to get a good night sleep so I don't end up stress eating tomorrow!  WISH ME LUCK!
   

PLAN FIRST!!!!!

Scott, my boyfriend, just left tonight for 5 days.  :(  He's not going to be far - Southern New Hampshire - but he might as well be in Timbuktu for how lonely it is here without him.....  Five days is just....  too....  long....  :(

Well - I started thinking....  Five days isn't really all that long at all!  It's barely going to be long enough for me to lose another few pounds!!!  I want him to come home and be able to see a difference - so now I'm panicking - HE'S ONLY GOING TO BE GONE FOR FIVE DAYS!!!!!!!  So, my job now is to plan how to wisely spend my days so when he comes home on Friday night he'll take one look at me & my hot self and not be able to let me go!!!  I won't go into any more details here - I'll just end up creeping you out!  hee hee  :)

So, what is my plan?  That is really what all of this weight loss comes down to - is having a plan and sticking with it.  I think that's why Weight Watchers works so well for me - it makes me plan out my food day so I don't get stuck like I did on Friday - HOGGING OUT!

So - here is my plan.  Tomorrow morning I'm going to make some blueberry / banana pancakes for us.  I found the recipe by following a link on the www.skinnytaste.com blog and I think we'll all really like it.  They've got some really great, low points, recipes - check it out!  I'll post the pancake recipe in my recipe section.  Two pancakes are 5 PP - so with 1 T. of maple syrup they'll be 6 PP.  A fun way to start the first day of WINTER VACATION!!!!  Then we'll break out the microscope and check out cluster-fly wings (and whatever else the boys want to look at) under the 'scope.  Sorry if that was gross for anyone - I'm a scientist & just got my hands on my Grandfather's 'scope - so I'm pretty excited to try it out with my kids!!!  After that, the boys and I will look through my cookbooks to find some meals that look good to try.  I like to involve my kids in our dinner choices as much as possible.  I don't have the time (or energy!) to cook meals for them and separate 'healthy' meals for me - so we all eat the same healthy foods!  They actually do really well and are good about at least trying the veggies that I cook for them & the stuff that LOOKS weird, but really ends up tasting good!

Anyhoo - back to my plan!  For lunch I'll have some leftovers from the fridge - probably sloppy jenn's on a bed of arugula instead of on a bun.  YUM!  I love arugula - it is such a tasty green!!  Then we'll go grocery shopping based on our food choices for the rest of the week.  The boys LOVE fish, so I'm sure we'll have some steel head trout or salmon some night this week.  We'll have tacos tomorrow night (already planned with my brother & parents), but I'll have mine on a bed of greens with maybe 1 shell broken up in it.  So - I've got tomorrow planned.  I'll grab for clementines & blueberries instead of cookies (they're almost gone - only 1 each for the boys left!!!  I sent the rest with Scott to get them the HELL out of the house!) and I'll get outside with the boys & dogs for some exercise.  By the end of the day we'll all be tired AND I'll only have 4 more days until Scott gets home.  If I just plan like this for 5 days (and keep VERY busy) the time will go quickly and I'll have some more weight loss to show off to Scott when he's home.  Sounds like a GREAT plan to me!

ALERT:  Tomorrow morning is only a week before my public weigh in at my home meeting!  This is my February resolution - getting to an 'official' 50 lbs lost with clothes on at my home Weight Watchers meeting.  I haven't been to a meeting in over 2 years!!!!  In fact, I just found my weight chart and the last time I was at a meeting was 2/18/09 and I weighed 181.4!!!!  So I'll be at my meeting with almost another 25 lbs off of my body - THAT is SO exciting to think about!!!!!  :)

Once that 'month resolution' is completed I've got to jump on my March resolution - which is getting back into the gym!  I've been nursing some injuries for several months (hurt myself water skiing in July and I'm STILL having problems with my leg!!!!) & I fell against a house in December (don't ask...) and injured my rotator cuff which makes it hard to lift weights.  I'm hoping that within a week I'll be able to get myself motivated enough to get into the gym and start sweating off some of these last 25 lbs!  I've got physical therapy tomorrow so I'm going to speak to her about a plan to start lifting weights again.  I also want to try going to Zumba and see how that feels on my injured leg.

So - 5 days is a long time, but I'm going to do everything I can to make it go as quickly and weight watcherly as possible!  I can have big losses in small amounts of time.  Just gotta' PLAN FIRST!  :)

Breakfast:
     Jenns' Coffee (2 PP) - Who's gonna' make my coffee this week!??!?!?!  :(
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) with blueberries & bananas  (Oatmeal is now made with 1/2 c. quick oats, 1 T. maple syrup & 1 T. 1% milk)

Lunch: 
     1 1/2 servings Mac 'n Cheese (11 PP)  (check out recipe section - I need to figure out a way to make this more WW friendly!!!)

Dinner: 
     5 oz. T-bone (9 PP), 1 T. light mayo (1 PP) & 1 steamed artichoke (0 PP)

Snacks:
     1 c. fresh pineapple (0 PP)
     1/2 oz. rice crackers (1 PP)
     1 oatmeal cookie (3 PP)

I did about 30 squats today and 20 lunges on each side.  Most of my snacking was on pieces of Mac 'n Cheese - so yummy!!!!  By the way - Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Reaper (The boys call it MORE COWBELL!) is perfect for doing lunges to!!!!  We played it several times today while playing the air guitar, cow bell (a metal pot with wooden spoons), air drums (with wooden spoons) & LOTS of dancing around!!! (My DAD even joined in!  He was the Air Bassist!!!)  Lots of a fun & a good workout!

WEIGH IN DAY!!!!!

Ok - it was weigh in day and I didn't lose (OR GAIN!!!) at all.  :/  Kind bummed that I'm not in the 158's, but I'm still in the 150's and didn't get into the 160's after my chocolate chip cookie binge!  As far as eating - I didn't kick butt, but it didn't suck either..... 

Kids woke us up early (6:30 is WAY TOO EARLY to be awake on a Saturday morning!!!).  They were good, and pretty quiet, but their bustling noises kept me from getting any more zzzzzzz's.  Oh yeah - that AND the fact that I had to get up and make them breakfast!  I need to reorganize my cereal so they can get their OWN breakfast in the AM!  I don't trust them to climb up on the counter and grab the boxes from the top of the fridge, and I NEVER remember to take them down for them!  Plus, they're little milk hogs and ALL of the milk would be gone if I left breakfast up to them..... really.  It would.  I need to ponder on a solution.  Anyhoo - I ended up doing my first set of squats at 6:45 am - after I'd sneaked a few Golden Grahams!!!!  WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!?!??!  My booty is SO SORE from the past few days of squats and I'm STILL punishing myself with LBT's!??!?!?!?  Oh well - buns of steel - here I come!

A little later I got a call from the fam asking if we'd like to join them for lunch somewhere.  We'd HAD plans to get the 'sugarhouse' (aka garage) ready for sugaring, but it was too cold and windy and yes - we pansied out!  So, we went down to Snap's and I ate huevos rancheros with my 'usual' substitutions....  Usually they fry (GROSS) the flour tortilla that comes with it so I always just ask for it to be straight up and outta' the package.  They've finally figured out that that means DON'T COOK THE DAMN THING!!!!  :)  I also ordered bacon (to give to Preston because the boy is OBSESSED!!!) instead of the sausage patties (which I LOVE).  So - by making some smart substitutions, and not eating all of it, I managed to come in at 12 PP.  (You'll see what comes on it if you look at my foods below....).  I usually don't eat the whole tortilla - just half.  But, as I was sitting there I realized that I'd totally forgotten to eat breakfast!  I had my coffee and was waiting for my morning poop (which of course NEVER came - probably because it was weigh-in day) and I just forgot to eat!

So far - so good!

Then we went home, invited the fam over, and proceeded to play Trivial Pursuit.  (If anyone ever wants to come over and play - we're always up for a game!!!).  Well, TP means coffee and cookies.  I made my second batch of coffee and it was SO WEAK, but I had a mug anyway.  So not worth the points.  Scott is now officially in charge of coffee at our house!  And I, of course, had a cookie - but just one!!!!!  I fed the boys some snacks and only grabbed the extra rice crackers (1/4 oz) the boys didn't eat and some pineapple for the whopping payment of 1 PP.  Once again - not too bad!  (And 10 more squats....)  As an aside - Grayson ate octopus in marine sauce - I did NOT snack from that.  That kid has the most amazing (& disgusting) palate!!!  :)

Dinner was some homemade sloppy jenn's (my version of sloppy joe's) - which I never even ate because I ALSO made some homemade crab cakes!  They weren't the best in the world (probably because I didn't have all of the ingredients), but they were good enough to have 2 for dinner.  I then had another cookie after that, and more pineapple & cauliflower.  (Strange combo - I know....)

I went a bit over in points, but I had 2 cookies and ended up doing 30 squats (or maybe it was 40 - the boys are so entertained by me doing them that sometimes I just go for it!). All in all - a fun day!  I feel satisfied, not bloated and ready to snuggle down to watch a movie with my honey.

Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:
     Huevos Rancheros - comes with 1 10" flour tortilla (4 PP), 2 poached eggs (4 PP), 1/2 c. black beans (2 PP), hash browns (I only ate about 2 T. for 1 PP), salsa (0 PP), cheddar cheese (which I didn't eat) and 3 strips of bacon (I ate 1 strip for 1 PP and gave the other to my son, Preston). (12 PP total)

Dinner:
    2 Crab Cakes (7)
    2 c. steamed cauliflower (0 PP)

Snacks:
     2 Chocolate Chip Cookies (8 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     1 1/2 c. pineapple (0 PP)
     1/4 oz. rice crackers (1 PP)

Total PP for the day:  32

If anyone REALLY wants the recipe for my crab cakes I'll post it - just let me know.  Also - I'll work on figuring out PP for the sloppy jenn's - I don't know them yet and since I didn't eat it I don't have to worry about it until lunch tomorrow!!!  :)

Beating myself up......

So - I had a very good week, or so I thought, and then last night I TOTALLY hogged out on Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!!!  WTF?!?!?!??!  In fact, yesterday afternoon I was down doing laundry and took a peek in my freezer to plan dinner for the next night and I spotted THEM...... my desire..... my love.....  MINT SKINNY COW ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!!!!!!  Ahhhhh...... the ecstasy... I even felt my heart rate increase.  I took one out of the package, had it in between my lips, and then I said to myself - 'Self, if you eat this then you'll have to do at LEAST 50 squats AND you'll have to track it.  You're having T-bone for dinner, and you're making some sort of Weight Watchers dessert to share with your family.  PUT THE SANDWICH BACK!!!"  AND I DID!!!!!  I mean - my lips were ALMOST touching the sandwich part and I put it back in the package and walked away!  THAT ROCKED!!!!

Well, THEN I made the mistake of going to my parent's house without snacks - and I got HUNGRY!  I didn't stop and try to find something healthy to eat - I ended up going outside and split wood with my Dad for about 30 minutes.  Then I sat around chatting with Mom, Dad, Ali & Gramma and continued to get hungry.  By the time I got home it was beyond the point of no return and I STARTED SNACKING!!!!!  I ate pasta from the chicken noodle soup I was mixing up for my boys, I ate chocolate covered almonds & chocolate covered cherries.  Then, as I was getting the boys ready for bed, I started mixing up chocolate chip cookies (modified from my original recipe with oat flour & oats - so KIND of healthy, right???  Yeah - right.....).  Once that was mixed up I started eating it.  I freakin' LOVE raw cookie dough!  WHY IN THE HELL DID I MAKE IT!??!?!?!?!?  If I hadn't made it I wouldn't have been eating it!  ARGH!!!!!!

So, AFTER pigging out on chocolate chip cookie dough I ATE DINNER!  I LOVE the bones of T-bones (weird - I know) so I weighed my 2 bones, gnawed the meat off of it (I at least picked the fat off - I didn't use to!), then I weighed my bones.  NOT a good way to do it because I ended up eating SIX ounces of T-bone!  That is TWO servings of meat!  THEN, after I ate my dinner I ate ANOTHER cookie - but this one was cooked.  SO - I calculated that I ate FOUR FREAKIN' COOKIE - SIXTEEN POINTS!  Dammit.  Friday night is my last night of my weekly cycle, and I went over by EIGHT POINTS!  So - didn't lose any weight, but didn't GAIN any either!  I'm the same as last week.  159.4.  Damn.

What did I learn from this????  FEED MY MOUTH BEFORE I GET HUNGRY!!!!!  I need to carry fruit with me or a healthy snack.  I need to grab that AND a big glass of water before I give myself a chance to make unhealthy choices.....

Oh - so I ended up doing over 50 squats - I lost count after a while.  Then I did a bunch of abs and played around with my Swiss ball for a few hours.  In fact - I bounced on the Swiss ball so much that my family was BEGGING me to stop!  (We were playing Trivial Pursuit and apparently I am obnoxious & distracting when I'm bouncing.  REALLY????  hee hee)

So, today is a new day.  I can't beat myself up too much - I am only human.  I just need to learn from my mistakes and move forward!  :)  The power went out last night, so this is a night late in being posted.  After I eat dinner I'll blog again!  I'm a blogger, ya' know!  :)

2/18 Food Log:
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal (made with 1/2 c. quick oats instead of a ready made packet and decreased milk to 1 T. of 1% organic milk - ups PP to 5)
     Jenn's coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:
     5 oz. tuna made with 2 t. light mayo & 1/4 c. chopped jalapenos (5 PP)
     1 oz. chocolate covered cherries (3)

Snacks:
     6 chocolate covered almonds (3 PP)
     4 Chocolate chips cookies (as dough & 1 cooked) (16 PP - AIGH!!!!)
     2 oz. cooked pasta (2 PP)

Dinner:
     6 oz. T-bone (11 PP)
     1 artichoke (0 PP)
     1 T. light mayo (1 PP)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  FORTY-FREAKIN' EIGHT!!!!!  Hrmph.....

The sign you wear on your forehead.....

What does the sign say that you wear on your forehead?  What do you think people say about you when they see you?  First impression kind of stuff......

I think people used to look at me and think "fat girl" and they tacked this imaginary sign on my forehead with those words on it.  So, I was "fat girl".  Not a very sexy super hero name, is it?

I do the same thing.  I look at people while I'm out and about and make judgments about them.  I even sometimes imagine what their job is based on what sign I tack on their forehead.  I don't think it's necessarily something 'mean' or anything, but it's just a quick call about what the sign on their forehead says.  Today I was at Costco and in looking around the store I saw so many signs on people's foreheads.  For example, there was the lady with the eternally surprised look on her face - she became "face-lift lady".  There was the Asian lady, dressed very stylishly, and pushing a cart with a young child in it - she became "put-together-Mom".  There was the guy giving out sample of hummus - the way he was carrying on about being stuck giving samples of the 'healthy food' instead of the cookies & ice cream made him become - 'crazy sample guy'.  I can't say that I really remember any of the other sample giver outers - mostly because I DID NOT EAT ANY SAMPLES!!!!  So - I didn't have to do squats at Costco!  WOOT!  :)  I DID however have to do 4 sets of 10 today.  So, 4 LB&T's.  Not too bad.  And I tracked all of them too, so I paid the toll for my indiscretion TWICE!

Anyhoo - back to the sign you were on your forehead....  After I went to Costco I decided to pop into Plato's Closet to see if I could find a smaller pair of jeans.  I hesitate to buy too many clothes while I'm losing weight, but a new pair when I'm getting too small for my current jeans is a good incentive.  I found a VERY sweet pair that were size 9/10!!!  YEAH!!!!  I was looking in the mirror, admiring myself, when I noticed the sign on my forehead said "confident".  That was all.  I had 'the look' that attracts other people.  It was exciting to live it and to see it!

So - what does your sign say?  If it's something that you don't like, how can you change it?  If it's something that you like - congratulations!!!!

Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee w/ 1 extra t. sugar (I used our coffee maker for the first time and I made the coffee WAY TOO STRONG!!!!!)  (2 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal w/ bananas & only 2 T. of 1% milk (3 PP)

Lunch:
     5 oz. chunk white tuna in water, drained with 2 t. light mayo & 2 T. chopped jalapenos & about 1 c. carrots mixed in (6 PP)
     2 T. Roasted pine nut hummus (2 PP)

Snacks:  (I might have gone a bit crazy again today!)
     celery with 1 oz. 1/3 less-fat cream cheese & 1 T. jalapeno jelly (3 PP)
     12 sprouted almonds (2 PP)
     1 oz. dark chocolate almonds (4 PP)
     1.25 chocolate covered cherries (4 PP)
     1/3 oz. bagel chips (two of my LBT's) (1 PP)
     3 small clementines (0 PP)
     1 oz. Castleton Crackers - Putney Pumpkin (2 PP)

My other two LBT's were a sip of Scott's Arnold Palmer 1/2 tea / 1/2 lemonade.  Really didn't amount to any points, but it was mindless snacking nonetheless.  The other was a chocolate covered cherry. TOTALLY worth it! :)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  33

The night is still young and I feel like snacking on something else.  For some reason I'm craving oatmeal!  So, I'll make a serving and put some raspberries or blueberries (or both!) if my hunger pains don't subside in a few.  That will cost an extra 3 points.  My last day in my WW cycle is tomorrow & I have an extra 15 points remaining (plus my 29 for tomorrow), so I won't panic if I do end up eating more.  I'm inviting my parents over tomorrow for dinner and I'm planning on serving sirloin steaks, brown rice (a HUGE staple in my house!!!), steamed artichokes & salad.  I might whip up some sort of WW dessert - we'll see!  :)
    

Licks, Bites & Tastes.....

I am a SUCKER for licking, biting & tasting - and no - I'm not talking about in the bedroom!  :)  When I'm cooking I lick the bowl.  If I see a cookie I'll sneak some crumbs.  If there are a few pieces of chicken left on my kids plate I eat them.  I LOVE a small scoop of raw cookie dough!!!  Those points are SO hard to count!!!!  For everything else I'm a stickler about measuring!  I use a Tablespoon, my WW scale & a glass cup measure many, MANY times during the day - but for some reason I don't have the same self-control about those LB&T's!

So, I've made a pact with myself.  For everything I have a LB or T of I have to do 10 squats.  I should have 'buns of steel' in NO time!  :)  Squats don't require any special equipment and I can do them anywhere!  Yes - I WILL look funny at Costco when I eat a sample and do 10 squats at the same time, but hey - this is MY weight loss journey, and that is what it will look like for me!  (Incidentally, I did the points calculation of a sample at Costco a few weeks ago and 1/4 of a granola bar thingy was ONE POINT!  I mean - I barely had a taste and I had to write down ONE WHOLE POINT!!!!!)  When I take the time and put the thought into what I'm eating I often find that my LB&T's aren't point worthy.  They're not worth the time it takes me to whip out my iPhone and track them!  So, in addition to doing 10 squats I will track all of my LB&T's - even if it is a guess.  A guess (and a point) is better than not tracking and therefore not losing weight.  Those points sneak up on you when you least expect them, so anything I can do to make sure I stay accountable is a GOOD thing!  And by committing to keeping track of my LB&T's should keep my nibbling at bay - and keep those pounds coming off!  :)

Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal (with 1 small banana & 1/3 c. blueberries) (4 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:
     1/2 c. brown basmati rice (3 PP), 1 c. Cranberry-Pear Chicken (5 PP), 1 c. steamed zucchini (0 PP)

Snacks:  (Be prepared - there are a lot of them today!)
     7 Dark Chocolate Sprouted Almonds (5 PP), 1 medium banana (0 PP), 1 Dove Dark Chocolate square (1 PP), 20 Sprouted Almonds (3 PP), Celery with 1 oz. 1/3 less fat cream cheese (2 PP) & 1 T. jalapeno jelly (1 PP), 2 c. fresh cherries (0 PP), 1.25 oz. dark chocolate covered cherries (4 PP)

Dinner:
     2 c. Homemade chicken 'n dumplings (see below for recipe) (4 PP), 1 c. steamed zucchini (0 PP), 1 serving chocolate drizzle with strawberries (3 PP)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  37

Cleaning out the closet......

Well, today was so much FUN!  I went through ALL of my clothes and tossed anything that didn't fit!  It was amazing to see how many jeans / shorts / shirts were JUST TOO BIG!!!!!  I will admit - I do have a pair of shorts from pre-pregnancy that I just can't get rid of and I tried them on for shits and grins.  THEY FIT!!!!!  They weren't exactly 'flattering' by any stretch of the imagination, but they fit!  I WILL be wearing them this summer!  WOOT!  It doesn't even matter that they are SO 90's!!!  :)  I'm busting those babies out!  It was also fun to toss that swimsuit that LAST year looked like CRAP on me - now it literally HANGS off of me!  I then put my slightly-tight one on and it looks GREAT!  WOW!

As I was cleaning out my closet I was thinking about how everything in my life has been making me fat.  I find when I have too much stuff, stacked here and there, it keeps me from losing weight.  Does that happen to anyone else???  Have I stayed fat because the clothes that fit me were fat clothes?  Now that I have smaller clothes in my closet (and a much smaller amount of them) will it be easier for me to lose weight and then maintain when I'm at that point?  I sure hope so!

Along that same vein I've been getting rid of a lot of stuff in my life in general.  I mean, for real, why do I need a junk drawer?  If it's junk it needs to GO!  I went through all of my toiletries last week and I've discovered I have enough shampoo to last all of my days on earth!  (Anyone need any shampoo???  :)  Going through things and tossing what I don't need feels good.  Same with tossing the weight I don't need.  Feels DAMN good to shed it, get rid of it, TOSS IT!!!!

The next thing I'm going to tackle is my desk.  The junk / paperwork / bills that sit on it never seem to go away!. My desk and the kitchen table are officially my nemesis'!!!  I have what you would call 'flat surface disease' - if there's a flat surface I've most likely stacked just about everything I can find on it!  Just one more thing that makes me fat!

So - I'm banishing anything that chunks me up!  Out with the junk, in with the peace.  I will feng shui my home and my body.  Instead of collecting doo-dads which take up space and use up my money, I will allow items to flow through my life so they can collect somewhere else - not surrounding me and keeping me fat!  In fact - before I go downstairs I will take 10 minutes and take care of the bills on my desk.  One less thing to do tomorrow!

Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal used mango for my fruit - YUM!  (4 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)

Lunch:
     1/2 c. brown basmati rice (3 PP), 1 c. Cranberry-Pear Chicken (5 PP), 2 steamed zucchini (0 PP)
     4 Rold Gold Honey Wheat Braided Twists & pineapple dipped in 2 T. chocolate drizzle (5 PP)

Dinner:
     1/2 c. brown basmati rice (3 PP), 1 c. Cranberry-Pear Chicken (5 PP), 2 c. steamed cauliflower (0 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     3 clementines (0 PP)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  29

My Love Affair......

Ha!  I gotcha'!  I bet you thought I was going to share all of the juicy details of my relationship with you!  Those of you that know me well wouldn't expect anything different!  :)  Well, you're right!!!!  Unfortunately, it's not the relationship that makes your tender bits tingle.... it's the relationship I have with food.  Not very sexy, I know..... but a very important relationship nonetheless!

I was never a fat kid growing up.  In fact, I always describe myself as being shaped a lot like a 2X4 when I was a young girl!   Well, obviously SOMETHING happened to change that shape from a cute little girl to a woman with some SERIOUS JITT!!!  (Mom, just in case you don't know what JITT is it means 'Junk In The Trunk'.  AKA a BIG ASS!!!!)

I think of the meals we used to eat as kids and they were very healthy!  My Mom was a granola hippie and a GREAT cook and liked to feed us carrot sticks and carob chip cookies.  (And if you have never had carob, consider yourself LUCKY!  It tastes like CRAP!)  We never had chips or soda in the house, and really never any junk food that I can remember.  I DO remember having Apple Jacks as a special treat, but seeing as I can't stand the things I guess it wasn't really much of a treat afterall!

When I hit college I gained the 'freshman 15', but quickly lost it in all of my activity.  I hiked, biked, skied, blah blah blah.  I just wasn't lazy, and I wasn't into eating a bunch of crap!  I liked to cook, and when I did cook it wasn't out of a box - it was out of a cookbook!  I'm still that way now, but there was a period of time in between being diagnosed with breast cancer (in July 2002, just before I turned 32) and the birth of my kids (Dec 2003 & Dec 2004) that I turned to the comfort of food - often food that came out of boxes instead of out of the produce aisle.  Food became the medicine that helped me to feel better.  It was comforting (that sounds like such a load of CRAP to me now!), but it was!  When I was blue I'd eat.  When I was anxious, I'd eat.  Sound familiar anyone????  That love affair with food is what ballooned me to 210.2 lbs!  I still can't fathom that I got so damn FAT!!!!  Why didn't anyone tell me I was looking so BAD?!?!?!?

Something pretty traumatic happened to me a few months ago and miracle of miracles - I didn't grab the closest thing from the cabinet and stuff it into my mouth as medicine!  In fact, I had to FORCE myself to eat, and the foods that I chose were very healthy!!!  I was craving fruits, veggies, whole grains and NONE of the junk!!!!  I didn't want chocolate!!!  (Too bad THAT didn't last!  hee hee!)  Something just clicked inside of myself that made me take care of myself.  I'm not really sure if I know what it was, but it happened and I'm so thankful that it did.  My love affair with food has changed.  It has changed from one of stuffing myself to medicate myself, to eating healthy foods to stoke my fire.  Healthy foods are my fuel & my passion!  I get so much joy out of grabbing a Weight Watchers cookbook off of my shelf, pouring through them to decide what I'm in the mood for, and making it!  Hearing the ooohhhhssss and aaaahhhhsssss from my family doesn't hurt either!  Instead of stroking myself by stuffing myself, I'm stroking myself by cooking meals that I know taste good and are good for us!  By taking care of myself I'm taking care of my boys - and hopefully teaching them the important skills of respecting food that will follow them into adulthood.

I deserve to take care of myself!  I've often told other people that "if you don't look out for yourself no one else will!"  The only people in my life I have a responsibility to take care of are my two boys (at least until they can understand the concept of taking care of themselves) and ME!  I am SO worth being nice to!  I love myself.  I love my life.  I love the people that I choose to surround myself with.  I guess I'm having a little love affair with myself INSTEAD of with food!  YAY!

The pivotal moment of when you decide to take care of yourself will be a very personal journey for you, and it will look very different for everyone.  I've chosen to take care of my food self first.  I still haven't been dragging myself to the gym, but it will happen.  Someone else might decide to get that part of their love affair started first, then work on the food part.  However it happens, make sure you give yourself permission to LOVE YOURSELF and celebrate your little accomplishments!  My 'resolution' in January was to be on POINT about tracking my food and not to drink anything but water when I was out & about.  (I did give myself permission to drink coffee at home - for some reason I've become a little coffee addict!)  I completed that resolution and I congratulated myself for it!  I also bought myself a few pairs of smaller jeans to celebrate!  And they look SO GOOD on my booty!!!!  :)  February's resolution hasn't hit me yet - perhaps it was to start this blog and start being more accountable.  Perhaps it is to visit my home meeting (from 2 years ago!) and get recognized for losing 50 lbs!  You know what - I think it is BOTH!  I have hit my 50 lb weight loss naked, but at a meeting with clothes on I'm a few pounds away.  I resolve to go to my home meeting on Feb 28th with 50 CLOTHED pounds off of my hot little body!  :)

Enjoy your love affair.....  I sure am!  :)




Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal - 1 pkg. instant oatmeal, 1 T. REAL maple syrup, 1/3 c. organic 1% milk & 1 serving fruit (4 PointsPlus)
     Jenn's Coffee - Coffee with 2 T. organic half 'n half & 1 T. organic sugar (2 PP)


Lunch:
     1 1/2 c. fruit salad, 1 1/2 c. chickpea salad (5 PP) & 3 oz. leftover filet mignon with 1 T. teriyaki sauce (5 PP)
Dinner:
     4 oz. shrimp (2 PP), 2 T. shrimp cocktail (1 PP), 1 c. Cranberry-Pear Chicken (5 PP), 1/4 c. brown basmati rice (1 PP) & 1 1/2 c. steamed zucchini & Fruit w/ chocolate drizzle (6 PP).
Snack:
     2 Hershey Dark Chocolate Nuggets (3 PP)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  35

My daily PP goal is 29 & I have 49 extra PP to use during the week.  Chocolate is my weakness so I always make a little room for it every day!  I certainly could've done without the 2 nuggets but oh well - I can't beat myself up over them!  I certainly did enjoy my fruit with chocolate drizzle and the Cranberry-Pear Chicken is absolutely to DIE for!  :)  Make sure you scroll down to see my recipes!!!!

A little history.....

First a little history.....

I started my weight loss journey on 6/2/2008 at 5'2" and 210.2 lbs. I don't care who you are - that is FAT!!! I honestly don't remember getting that fat! It's like I just woke up one day and looked at myself in the mirror and went, "Whoa!". Well, maybe it really didn't go like that. I was getting lazy. I didn't care about myself anymore. I had pretty much given up on being a 'hot mom'. I stopped shaving my legs. I showered infrequenly. Not very glamourous, eh?

Well, a friend of mine knew that I was unhappy at the weight I was at and mentioned Weight Watchers to me. I'd tried it once before, as a Valentine's Day gift to my husband (now ex-husband) after my second son was born. We did 'ok' at it, but we weren't super dedicated. Well, this time I was READY! I was gonna' lose ALL of it, and FAST!!!!! And I did good too! I lost 3 lbs my first week, then 3.2, then 1.8 the next.... In 2 months I'd lost 20 lbs! WOOT! And by October 27th I was down 30 lbs!!! WOW!!! THIS WORKS!!!!! Well, then I started getting in trouble. I got to 177.0 on December 15th, 2008 and then in early 2009 I stopped going to WW. I was a meeting hound and then I lost my job, so I wasn't in town and I just... stopped... going.... Not so good for my weight loss. :(

I futzed around for a while, went to the gym, didn't go to the gym, and slowly.... ever so slowly.... the weight started to creep back up. GRRRRrrrrr....... I got to the point that I didn't weigh myself anymore because I really didn't want to know what the scale said! I kindof, sortof pretended I was 'doing' Weight Watchers again, but I really wasn't. I even bought an iPhone so I had no REASON not to track my foods, and STILL didn't do it! I guess it is a very mental game you play with yourself. I was with a man that loved me, even if I WAS a bit heavy.... He fell in love with me when I weighed 184 lbs, so I guess I tried to rationalize that I didn't need to lose weight because of that.

The DOWN side of being heavy: It's hard as HELL to be a good parent! It's hard to convince your kids to go outside and play when all you wanted to do was sit your fat ass on the sofa and drink a lemonade & eat chocolate chip cookies! It's hard to 'sex yourself up' and look like a HOTTIE when you're out on the town!!!!! It just plain old SUCKS to go shopping for clothes because nothing (and I truly do mean nothing!) looks good on you!!!! Why in the WORLD the fashion industry things that fat women look good with bows and flower-thingys hanging off of your clothes is BEYOND ME!!!! :)

So - I needed to lose weight. Like for real.... Not just to look like a hottie (although I will admit, that is a good reason!), or to be attractive to my boyfriend, but really for ME! I want to live to be an OLD LADY! I want to see my kids grow up to be amazing men! I want to be able to be active & play outside with them instead of having to sit on the sidelines because I'm too fat, out-of-shape, sore, etc etc etc.....

So, in September I started tracking my weight, just to see where I was. I was NOT impressed with what I saw on the scale! On 9/18/2010 I weighed 184.4 - just about where I was when I met my boyfriend. I started weighing in pretty regularly, but I wasn't tracking my food. I was eating healthier, but I still wasn't keeping myself accountable. That went ok for a while. By Christmas I weighed 166.6 - so I'd lost 17.8 lbs! YEAH ME!!!!

I felt I needed a way to keep myself more accountable. Twenty-five pounds seemed so CLOSE!!!! As in - really attainable, so I decided on 1/1/11 to start 'doing' Weight Watchers again. NO excuses!!!!! In fact, I decided to do WW again because of my Mom!!! She told me that all fruits and most veggies are considered ZERO POINTSPLUS!!!! YEAH!!!

So, I weighed in at 166.6 (yes - I managed to maintain over Christmas!!!), but maintenance wasn't going to get me to my next goal of 25 lbs!!!! Since that weigh-in I've faithfully tracked my foods (yes - even the days that I eat lots of cookie dough when I'm making cookies for my parents (yeah, right - they're really for me!)) and I've kept myself within my weekly PointsPlus budget. And guess what!?!??! I just hit my 25 lb mark and ALSO my 50 lb mark!!!! I only have 25 more to go and I'll be at my goal!!!! Do you know how stinking EXCITING that is?!?!?!? The first 25 lbs came off easily, the SECOND 25 lbs came off easily so I KNOW the last 25 will too!!!! In fact, this blog is my way to keep myself accountable. I'll share my daily meals (with recipes), my celebrations, my set-backs (yes - I know I'll have them!), but I will do it!!!