I've been spending a lot of time with my Dad lately with our sugaring, and I've been realizing just how much I have to be grateful for. I have the BEST family in the world..... EVER!!!!!!! My Mom & Dad love me and my brother so unconditionally. I've caused them a lot of financial turmoil - with some very bad real estate investments - and I think if they were any other parents they would have probably have disowned me. It makes me sick to think about the fact that they could be living a pretty comfortable retirement right now, and a decision that I made has made that seem pretty impossible. Mom & Dad - I'm so sorry. I love you guys so much and I wish like crazy that I could change the decisions I made in the past to make a better future for you guys.
I hate living with regrets. I try really hard not to. Some of the things in my past have paved the way for things in my future - and for a great many things I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. But I can't seem to wrap my mind around a few things..... 1. How has the financial stress my decisions have placed on my parents been positive at all? I just don't see it. And 2. Why did I need to gain 75 lbs?
I don't think I'll ever have an answer to #1, but perhaps there is a reason for #2.
Losing this weight has made me feel so GOOD about myself! I felt so BAD about myself at 210.2 lbs, and I feel so GOOD at 154.8 lbs!!!! I feel like I have grabbed destiny in my hand and *I* am in the drivers seat now! Every time I hear the words "You look so great" it's such a HUGE boost. I feel so good inside. It is a feeling that everyone should have. Hopefully you won't go through something as annoying as gaining 75 lbs just to lose them again, but I'm sure there's something in everyone's life that gives them that boost. At least I hope there is.
I think I needed this weight gain / loss to reinvent myself in a way...... I never was that fat girl in my mind - I was always me, but when I looked in the mirror I didn't see me looking back at me. I saw the fat girl. I didn't want to see her anymore. She was seriously bringing me down......
I'm so thankful for my friends & family. My sons. My boyfriend. My life. Wow - I am SO thankful for my life!!!! I hope that all of you can find that thing you have to be thankful and grab onto it. Use it to motivate you!!!!!
So, foodwise, last night I made a decision that makes very little sense to me. I calculated all of my PointsPlus after eating dinner and I was at 30. Good, right? Well yes.... and no. For some reason I decided to make chocolate chips cookies! WTF?!?!?!?!?!? I had a great day of eating and for SOME damn reason I tried to sabotage it!!!!! Does that even make the tiniest bit of sense?!?!?!?!? Well, it kind of does for me. Once I start thinking about something, be it a treat, or a food, or whatever - I start obsessing about it. I think this is a very NORMAL thing to do!!!!! I'm not really big on cutting foods entirely out of my life. I just need to make the best choices that I can, within the constraints of my WW PointsPlus allowance. Yesterday was the beginning of my WW week - so I always feel like I have a little more leeway with my food choices than I do on Friday (which last week didn't seem to matter much, hee hee.....). So, anyhoo, I decided that it would be smarter for me to go ahead and make the cookies, eat a few, then put them to rest. My favorite way to eat cookies is raw - so once I cook them I'm pretty safe. I COULD have gotten by with just eating one. Instead, I ate 3. That was annoying. Instead of 3 PP I added TEN!!!!! Argh......
Oh - on a POSITIVE note - I was around that same damn bag of Cheetos Cheese Curls yesterday, and I wasn't even tempted! I'm willing to bet if I'd cheated the way I was PLANNING on cheating (you know - grabbing a few and not calculating the points) I probably would have grabbed a few more! Knowledge is power! :)
This morning I woke up, checked my e-mail & Facebook and I saw a recipe for maple glazed scones. Ugh! REALLY?!?!?!? So of course, now I had to make the damn scones. BUT, I decided to try to Weight Watcherize them. What started as a ridiculously high PointsPlus treat turned into 4 PointsPlus!!! Not too bad!!!! As of this writing I still haven't eaten one. I started out with my oatmeal & coffee, and decided that I'm not hungry for scones. I'll probably eat one as my mid-afternoon snack. I'll most likely be up in the woods tapping, so I'll need the pick me up! Scott did try one - and he's not one to like scones. He said that they were very good! I think the process of me making them was what I was really craving, not really the scones themselves???? We'll see how many are left at the end of the day! :)
Nutritional Diary 3/12 - 40 Total PP
Breakfast:
Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + blueberries (0 PP)
Lunch:
5 oz. tuna fish, canned in water (4 PP)
2 t. Light mayo (1 PP)
1/4 c. pickled peppers (0 PP)
1/2 c. carrots (0 PP) - I mix these into my tuna instead of eating bread. VERY yummy!
1 La Tortilla Factory tortilla (2 PP) spread with 1/3 avocado (3 PP)
2 small clementines (0 PP)
Dinner:
Chili Verde made with zucchini AND spinach - SO GOOD!!!! (7 PP)
1 T. low fat sour cream (0 PP)
1 La Tortilla Factory tortilla, sprayed with non-stick olive oil spray and baked in oven until crispy (2 PP)
1 c. grapes (0 PP)
Snacks:
1/4 c. white hominy (2 PP)
Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
3 raw chocolate chip cookies (10 PP)
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