My Love Affair......

Ha!  I gotcha'!  I bet you thought I was going to share all of the juicy details of my relationship with you!  Those of you that know me well wouldn't expect anything different!  :)  Well, you're right!!!!  Unfortunately, it's not the relationship that makes your tender bits tingle.... it's the relationship I have with food.  Not very sexy, I know..... but a very important relationship nonetheless!

I was never a fat kid growing up.  In fact, I always describe myself as being shaped a lot like a 2X4 when I was a young girl!   Well, obviously SOMETHING happened to change that shape from a cute little girl to a woman with some SERIOUS JITT!!!  (Mom, just in case you don't know what JITT is it means 'Junk In The Trunk'.  AKA a BIG ASS!!!!)

I think of the meals we used to eat as kids and they were very healthy!  My Mom was a granola hippie and a GREAT cook and liked to feed us carrot sticks and carob chip cookies.  (And if you have never had carob, consider yourself LUCKY!  It tastes like CRAP!)  We never had chips or soda in the house, and really never any junk food that I can remember.  I DO remember having Apple Jacks as a special treat, but seeing as I can't stand the things I guess it wasn't really much of a treat afterall!

When I hit college I gained the 'freshman 15', but quickly lost it in all of my activity.  I hiked, biked, skied, blah blah blah.  I just wasn't lazy, and I wasn't into eating a bunch of crap!  I liked to cook, and when I did cook it wasn't out of a box - it was out of a cookbook!  I'm still that way now, but there was a period of time in between being diagnosed with breast cancer (in July 2002, just before I turned 32) and the birth of my kids (Dec 2003 & Dec 2004) that I turned to the comfort of food - often food that came out of boxes instead of out of the produce aisle.  Food became the medicine that helped me to feel better.  It was comforting (that sounds like such a load of CRAP to me now!), but it was!  When I was blue I'd eat.  When I was anxious, I'd eat.  Sound familiar anyone????  That love affair with food is what ballooned me to 210.2 lbs!  I still can't fathom that I got so damn FAT!!!!  Why didn't anyone tell me I was looking so BAD?!?!?!?

Something pretty traumatic happened to me a few months ago and miracle of miracles - I didn't grab the closest thing from the cabinet and stuff it into my mouth as medicine!  In fact, I had to FORCE myself to eat, and the foods that I chose were very healthy!!!  I was craving fruits, veggies, whole grains and NONE of the junk!!!!  I didn't want chocolate!!!  (Too bad THAT didn't last!  hee hee!)  Something just clicked inside of myself that made me take care of myself.  I'm not really sure if I know what it was, but it happened and I'm so thankful that it did.  My love affair with food has changed.  It has changed from one of stuffing myself to medicate myself, to eating healthy foods to stoke my fire.  Healthy foods are my fuel & my passion!  I get so much joy out of grabbing a Weight Watchers cookbook off of my shelf, pouring through them to decide what I'm in the mood for, and making it!  Hearing the ooohhhhssss and aaaahhhhsssss from my family doesn't hurt either!  Instead of stroking myself by stuffing myself, I'm stroking myself by cooking meals that I know taste good and are good for us!  By taking care of myself I'm taking care of my boys - and hopefully teaching them the important skills of respecting food that will follow them into adulthood.

I deserve to take care of myself!  I've often told other people that "if you don't look out for yourself no one else will!"  The only people in my life I have a responsibility to take care of are my two boys (at least until they can understand the concept of taking care of themselves) and ME!  I am SO worth being nice to!  I love myself.  I love my life.  I love the people that I choose to surround myself with.  I guess I'm having a little love affair with myself INSTEAD of with food!  YAY!

The pivotal moment of when you decide to take care of yourself will be a very personal journey for you, and it will look very different for everyone.  I've chosen to take care of my food self first.  I still haven't been dragging myself to the gym, but it will happen.  Someone else might decide to get that part of their love affair started first, then work on the food part.  However it happens, make sure you give yourself permission to LOVE YOURSELF and celebrate your little accomplishments!  My 'resolution' in January was to be on POINT about tracking my food and not to drink anything but water when I was out & about.  (I did give myself permission to drink coffee at home - for some reason I've become a little coffee addict!)  I completed that resolution and I congratulated myself for it!  I also bought myself a few pairs of smaller jeans to celebrate!  And they look SO GOOD on my booty!!!!  :)  February's resolution hasn't hit me yet - perhaps it was to start this blog and start being more accountable.  Perhaps it is to visit my home meeting (from 2 years ago!) and get recognized for losing 50 lbs!  You know what - I think it is BOTH!  I have hit my 50 lb weight loss naked, but at a meeting with clothes on I'm a few pounds away.  I resolve to go to my home meeting on Feb 28th with 50 CLOTHED pounds off of my hot little body!  :)

Enjoy your love affair.....  I sure am!  :)




Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal - 1 pkg. instant oatmeal, 1 T. REAL maple syrup, 1/3 c. organic 1% milk & 1 serving fruit (4 PointsPlus)
     Jenn's Coffee - Coffee with 2 T. organic half 'n half & 1 T. organic sugar (2 PP)


Lunch:
     1 1/2 c. fruit salad, 1 1/2 c. chickpea salad (5 PP) & 3 oz. leftover filet mignon with 1 T. teriyaki sauce (5 PP)
Dinner:
     4 oz. shrimp (2 PP), 2 T. shrimp cocktail (1 PP), 1 c. Cranberry-Pear Chicken (5 PP), 1/4 c. brown basmati rice (1 PP) & 1 1/2 c. steamed zucchini & Fruit w/ chocolate drizzle (6 PP).
Snack:
     2 Hershey Dark Chocolate Nuggets (3 PP)

Total PointsPlus for the day:  35

My daily PP goal is 29 & I have 49 extra PP to use during the week.  Chocolate is my weakness so I always make a little room for it every day!  I certainly could've done without the 2 nuggets but oh well - I can't beat myself up over them!  I certainly did enjoy my fruit with chocolate drizzle and the Cranberry-Pear Chicken is absolutely to DIE for!  :)  Make sure you scroll down to see my recipes!!!!