Weight In - So tired of this crap!

So, yesterday was weigh-in and I gained another freakin' pound!!!!  So now I'm up to 152.4.  Needless to say - I am not impressed.  :/

I know - I know.... I've lost nearly 60 pounds!!!!  BUT - I still have 15 (17??) to go and it's KILLING ME that it's taking this long!!!!  AIGH!!!!!

I seem to have a 4 month attention span for losing weight, and I'm there.  I was thinking about the FIRST 30 lbs and at the 4 month mark I kind of lost my fight.  I pretty much maintained for over a year, then BAM - I lost 30 more.  Now, here I am, struggling with the last little bit.  Damn.

I'm so lucky that THIS time tracking is so automatic for me.  Last time I was a pencil & paper tracker, and it's so convenient to 'forget' to track if you don't have your stuff with you at all times.

This time I'm on my iPhone, so I really have no excuse not to keep constant track of my food.  Obviously it doesn't mean that I EAT well 100% of the time, but in general I'm making better & better food choices.  It's easy for me to walk away from the 'free samples' at the grocery store & Costco.  If they're free they're probably NOT point free!

I'm exercising regularly.  Last week - not so much.... It was the kids vacation so not only did I not get out to exercise as much as usual (I'm talking Zumba here, not walking & playing with me kids....), but I definitely ate a lot more crap than usual.  Something about making the peanut butter & jelly or honey sandwiches TOTALLY makes me crave one!  :)

So, Spring vacation is over.  The weather is getting nicer.  My Zumba training is in LESS than 2 weeks!!!  I really think that things are starting to turn around for me!

Easter is today.  We've got a nice & healthy meal planned.  I'll be eating lots of salad with my ham on it instead of ham with salad on the side.  I'm making 'portion controlled' chocolate chip cookies for dessert.  Everyone else gets 1 T. of batter per cookie - me - I'll get 1 TEASPOON of batter per cookie.  That way I can have a few!  :)

I also plan on getting outside to untap our trees and perhaps do a little sugar house organizing.

I hope you all have a healthy & Happy Easter!  Don't hog out on your kids Easter candy (I've only had 1 piece - I made sure to buy the crap I DO NOT like!), and get outside to enjoy this beautiful day!  :)

Where did my spark go????

For the past several days I haven't had any spark.  I could blame it on 'that time of the month', but I'm not really sure that is it!

I think it's because I haven't seen any real weight loss in a few weeks.  I'm at 151.2 so I'm hovering around the 60 lbs mark - and I feel like I've been there for a VERY LONG TIME!!!!!!  Yuck.  Not fun.  Not fun at all......

This is also my kids spring break, so I haven't been getting to the gym like I want to.  The babysitters seem to be out of town, so here I am.  Starting to get VERY stressed out about my weight & lack of exercise when I should be enjoying the time I have with my kids!  And don't get me wrong - I have been enjoying it - but I've also felt like a bit of a stress-monster too.  Once again, Yuck.

So, what am I going to do about it?  What CAN I control right now?

I can control my eating.  I've been bringing lunches with us wherever we go.  So for the most part I CAN control my eating.  But am I - NO!  Yesterday we went to the ECHO Center and I brought lunches with us.  But then we ended up going to Pizzaria Uno and ate half of Preston's pizza.  Nine points.  I also ordered steamed veggies for myself - very good.  But Really - DID I NEED TO EAT HALF OF PRESTON'S PIZZA?!?!?!?!  NO - I did not.  I'm disappointed in myself.  I know better than that.

Tonight I got home from being out and about (did REALLY good with my food until I was home too!), then I came home and BLEW IT!!!!!  I PIGGED OUT!!!!! WTF is WRONG with me?!?!?!??!

I'm not happy with myself.  I'm pissed at myself.  I don't want to become that fat woman that I was.  I want to be thin & healthy!  I want to WIN this!

Plan.  I need a plan.  BAD!  I'm tired.  Stressed.  Pissed.  Frustrated.  If it's not good I'm feeling it.

Sitting here, writing this blog as I'm crying is not fun.  This isn't the Jenn that is supposed to be so inspiring.  This is the Jenn that struggles and needs help.  This is the Jenn that needs inspiration from somewhere.  I'm supposed to be getting inspiration from inside myself, right?  Well - I'm not sure where it went.  I'm still tracking and I'm disgusting myself every evening.

I look at myself in the mirror and I look good to myself.  But I'm still overweight.  Fifteen freaking pounds and I'm still overweight.  Ugh.

I'm tired.  I need to regroup.  I need a plan.

I'm going to bed.  Hopefully something amazing will worm its way into my dreams.

Good Night. 

Sometimes you've just got to make it work! (aka - what do you want to be when you grow up?)

This is Sad Jenn at the thought of no Zumba!

Tonight my kids were in a singing performance at school.  Know what that meant?  NO ZUMBA tonight.  :(  It made me sad to think about missing out on my class.  So, I went to www.zumba.com and found a class at Curves in Hinesburg.  It was a circut class (which I've never been to), but I thought I should give it a try to see if that was a certification I'd like to get.  When I got there I was welcomed with open arms.  I decided not to do the circut (there were some weird-ass machines I've never seen in there!), but I Zumba'd for 30 minutes and worked up quite a sweat!  Six activity points!  Yeah!  :)

It would have been very easy for me to say 'to heck with it' and just skip, but I want this BAD!  I want to stop obsessing about losing the last 15 lbs and start obsessing about what I'm going to DO with the rest of my life!!!!  :)

I actually made a very big decision lately.  I've decided to go back to school.  I've got my degree in Marine Biology, but no real practical experience.  I've got a lot of business experience, but no degree!  So, it's been hard to find a job!  But MAN - I'm ready to work again!  So, I'm going to go to school to become an  aesthetician!  Waxing, Facials and my personal favorite the artistry of makeup!  (That last part was very tongue-in-cheek, by the way..... I'm not sure when I'll ever have a need for putting 'smokey eyes' on a woman.  But hey - we'll see!)

This looks so relaxing!!!  I want one!

It's a whopping 4 months of school - then get ready!  My skills will be unleashed somewhere in Addison (or perhaps Chittenden) County!  I'm actually pretty excited.  I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for several years.  Not really knowing what I want to be when I grow up.  I would have NEVER imagined being interested in aesthetics, but now that I've gotten a bit older (and perhaps wiser?) I see the need for teaching people how to take care of their skin & taking good care of my own!!

In fact, a few weeks ago I went and had a facial - and I swear.  I looked 10 years younger when I was through!  I'm really lucky that I didn't spend my youth baking in the sun, and considering I'm 40 I think my skin looks pretty damn good!  But there's no time like the present to take care of myself so I look SMOKIN' HOT as a 50, 60, 70 year old!  :)

An Aside:  My ex-boyfriend from a million years ago's Mom, Grace, was in her 60's, and she had AMAZING skin!  I want to be like her!  :)

Wow - what in the heck does that have to do with weight loss?  Um... absolutely nothing!  But, wait.... maybe it does????

Losing weight makes you feel good.  When you feel good you want to do all that you can to look good.  Looking good - aesthetics.... I see the connection!  :)

So, once I'm 'settled' I'll be teaching 4 - 6 Zumba classes a week (that is my goal), I'll be a kick ass aesthetician & I'll be at GOAL!  Plus, once I'm at goal, I really want to be a Weight Watchers leader!  I think I'd be good at it.  I seem to motivate people.  It makes me feel good to help people move toward their goals....

Sounds like I finally know what I want to be when I grow up!

Do you know what you want to to/be when you grow up?  Do you want to motivate your kids / spouse / friends?  Do you want to live a happy & healthy life?  Do you want to fit into a sexy little black dress?  You need to do some serious thinking about what your goals are so that you can start to move toward them!

Back when I was 210.2 lbs I had no goals.  I had no motivation.  I have no IDEA what I wanted to do when I grew up!  I was in a marriage that was steadily getting unhappier.  I was fat.  I was close to filing for bankruptcy.  I lost several homes in Massachusetts to foreclosure.  The shit was hitting the FAN!!!!!

Now that I've got some defined goals I see the path I need to take to get there.  And let me tell you, there is NOTHING that will get in the way of a focused & motivated Jenn.  NOTHING!!!!  Not even a decadent piece of dark chocolate!  :)

So, I haven't cooked any amazing recipes in a week or so.  This week has been nuts, but NEXT week is the kids vacation!  I'm going to spend some time planning meals with the boys this weekend.  Expect some masterpieces coming out of my kitchen next week!  If anyone is interested in coming over to cook a meal, just let me know!  I'll do everything I can to help you create a delicious & healthy meal your whole family will love! :)

Why is everyone so afraid of vegetables????

Two things happened in the past two days to make me say this.

First thing - a friend of mine was doing my hair (Thanks Michelle - it looks so SEXY!!!) and she told me she wanted to try making the Enchilada Suizas for her family.  (In fact, I have a batch in the oven right now!  Smells so GOOD!)  I showed her a picture of what they look like on my phone and she said "WOW!".  Then she wanted me to show the picture to her husband and the first thing out of his mouth was - "What's all of the green stuff?"  :)

Second thing - I was reading Cooking Light Magazine last night and in the note from the editor it was saying that the Secretaries of Agriculture & Health and Human Services unveiled the new Dietary Guidelines for Americans at the end of January.  The guidelines are based on a 2010 report that 'obesity is the single greatest threat to public health in this country'.  Does that scare you?  IT SHOULD!!!!  It sounds like that means that obesity is a bigger threat than cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc!!!!  WOW!!!!!  And guess what - OBESITY CAN BE CURED!!!!!!  And by 'curing' your obesity you can cure (or at least prevent) many of the diseases that obesity contributes to.

Anyhoo - the report made specific mention that our dietary habits are linked to obesity.  NO KIDDING!!!!!

The letter went on to say that many of us are getting fat because we're eating a diet where 'bad fats' and 'empty-calorie sugars' push nutrient-rich foods (PLANTS) off of our plates.  The general message of the new guidelines is to eat less food, but to eat more plants, exercise more & watch fats, sugars & salt.  All of this should come as NO SURPRISE to ANYONE!!!!  This is how we are supposed to eat!  Where along the way did boxed foods, that are full of calories and BAD STUFF, become the norm?

I was a lucky child.  My Mom didn't subscribe to the convenience of boxed foods.  She cooked us some VERY healthy meals!!!!  We didn't have chips & soda in the house, and I'm not a chips & soda kind of a girl!  She cooked most of our meals from scratch, AND SO DO I!!!!!

I'm so afraid for our next generation.  I go grocery shopping and I look at the baskets of the other shoppers and I can't BELIEVE how much CRAP is in there!!!!  Do people not know how to cook, or do they truly feel like they don't have the time?  Well honey - You'd better MAKE the time, or you're going to end up with some FAT KIDS!!!!!  I don't want the legacy that I leave my kids to be worn on their asses!  I want them to be able to impress the HELL outta' their girlfriends by being able to whip up a great, healthy meal!

Part of teaching our kids has GOT to include teaching them how to eat healthy foods.  So many parents complain that their kids don't eat vegetables, so they don't offer them to their kids.  Well, I ask you - how in the HELL are your kids supposed to start eating veggies if they aren't even on their plates?!?!??!?  Do you think little Suzie is going to say to her parents, "May I please have some broccoli?".  Um, NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!!  BUT, if given the choice between green beans & broccoli she'll have to choose one!!  Then, once it's on her plate, she's more likely to try it!

There is a website (www.mypyramid.gov) that tells you how much you're supposed to eat daily according to the new guidelines based on your age, weight & gender.  I just plugged in my boys and they're supposed to eat 2 cups of veggies & 1/1/2 cups of fruits PER DAY!!!!!  How many kids do you think eat their recommended amount of fruits & veggies a day?  I'd hazard to guess NOT MANY!

It looks like about a third of our diet should come from fruits & veggies!!!

I plugged my info in and I was immediately told that my weight is above the healthy range for me height.  It then gave me the choice to see how much I'm supposed to eat daily based on maintaining my current weight or if I want to 'gradually move toward a healthier weight'.  I chose the healthier weight option.  I'm supposed to eat 2 1/2 cups of veggies and 2 cups of fruit a day.  Now that I'm eating Weight Watchers-style I'm sure I get that much a day, but before I started making better choices I'm sure there were rare days that I ate that many veggies & fruits.

The website also has these great tips on how to encourage your kids to eat their veggies:

Vegetable tips for children:

• Set a good example for children by eating vegetables with meals and as snacks.
• Let children decide on the dinner vegetables or what goes into salads.
• Depending on their age, children can help shop for, clean, peel, or cut up vegetables.
• Allow children to pick a new vegetable to try while shopping.
• Use cut-up vegetables as part of afternoon snacks.
• Children often prefer foods served separately. So, rather than mixed vegetables try serving two vegetables separately.

OK - moving on.  What is it about veggies that is so SCARY to people?  It really makes no sense to me!  I LOVE VEGGIES!!!!  I LOVE FRUIT!!!!  It's not a chore to eat those foods - it is a  TREAT!!!  I love trying new veggies that I've never tried before.  If you're unsure of how to cook a veggie look it up on YouTube or in The Joy Of Cooking.  Make a commitment to buy a new fruit or veggies each time you go grocery shopping - you just might find a new favorite!  :)

So, some of my favorite veggies are going to be FREE in just a few weeks!!!!  Fiddle head Ferns, Wild Leeks & Cattails!!!!  My Mom also likes Marsh Marigolds (aka Cow Slips), but I find them to be quite bitter.  I do try them each year - perhaps this year I'll find an AMAZING recipe for them!  :)

Fiddle head Ferns

Cattails

Wild Leeks, aka Ramps

Marsh Marigold, aka Cow Slips

I'll be making Wild Leek Potato Soup & Ramp Pesto.  I'll also slice up the greens and put them in salads. I'm going to try pickling some with asparagus (Thanks Cooking Light for the recipe!).  I'll saute the fiddle heads in a little bit of olive oil & just a sprinkle of salt.  I'll steam the cattails.  I'll pick the Marsh Marigolds for Mom!  :)

Here are a few recipe suggestions.  If anyone wants to go foraging with me for some wild edibles, just let me know!  :)

How to cook Wild Leeks.  http://www.slashfood.com/2008/06/20/ramp-pesto-recipe/

How to cook Cattails. http://www.slashfood.com/2008/05/25/cattails-the-supermarket-of-the-swamp/

How to cook Fiddle Head Ferns.  http://localfoods.about.com/od/spring/r/Fiddleheadsaute.htm

How to cook Marsh Marigold.  http://patesden.livejournal.com/71853.html

Don't be afraid of veggies!  Hug them!  Kiss them!  EAT THEM!!!!  :)

Am I becoming a self-regulator? It's a piece of the puzzle!!!!

My boyfriend, Scott, is a self-regulator.  He's 145 lbs soaking wet & he stops eating when he's full.  Novel concept, eh?  Stopping when you're FULL instead of when the plate is EMPTY!??!??!!!  Yeah - that's what self-regulators do!  They listen to their bodies and STOP EATING WHEN THEY'RE FULL!!!!!!

Tonight Scott had to go to work & he grabbed the bag of chocolate chip cookies I made on Sunday off the counter.  I immediately had sadness!  I wanted cookies!  I asked him to leave one for me AND it is STILL ON THE COUNTER!!!!  The old Jenn would have pigged that thing RIGHT DOWN!  The New and Improved, Self-Regulating Jenn LEFT IT ALONE!!

Wow.  SO, I think I'm turning a corner!  I've been collecting small pieces of the weight-loss puzzle, and the closer I get to goal the closer I get to actually finishing my puzzle!  I just hope someone didn't steal a piece and hide it on me!  My family has a tendency of doing stuff like that.....

Here is what I learned tonight.  I don't have to eat something just because it is in front of me!  Really - I don't!!!!  I wasn't hungry.  I was done - so I decided that I'd put it in a zip-lock and have it tomorrow for an after lunch snack.  NICE, eh?  :)

I started in January with the goal of only drinking water.  I did allow myself 1 cup of coffee in the morning, but that's it!  I also committed to tracking every single thing that went into my mouth.  I did it!  February's goal was to visit my home meeting to get recognized for losing 50 lbs, which I did.  March's goal was to start going back to the gym.  I haven't been as dedicated about lifting weights as I wanted to be, but I've found a new love - ZUMBA!!!!  And I've got to a LOT of Zumba classes - so that SOOooo counts! :)

In my last post I decided I was going to be good at stretching in April.  I haven't done so good with this goal - and I'm not really sure why!  I've got Physical Therapy exercises I need to do every day - and I miss a lot of days.  That might explain why my damn shoulder & hip aren't healing, eh?  So, I'm going to modify my April goal to just doing my PT exercised until I'm BETTER!  Then I'll add stretching...

I really need to break this into baby steps.  I think that when people try to do it ALL at once they've successful for a short while, then it all falls apart.  Doing it ALL is exciting at first!  Then it just becomes a chore.  I've said this before, and I'll probably say it again - but the second 25 lbs I lost was done COMPLETELY with modifying how I ate.  AND BY TRACKING!!!!!  I didn't exercise at ALL!!!!  I was just mindful of what I ate and HOW MUCH I ate.

In speaking with people about their diets I hear this all the time.  "I actually eat really well."  I usually just end up staring at them with a blank look on my face remembering all the times I said the same thing!  OBVIOUSLY I didn't eat all that well to get my weight to 210.2!!!!!  I then want to shout "BS!" to them!  :)  (As someone that was under the misconception that I ate really well I think I have the license to do that!) Usually the person telling me that they actually eat very well looks kinda' chunky too!  Guess what - WE DON'T EAT AS WELL AS WE THINK WE DO!!!!!  We're a passel of hogs!!!!!

A Passel of Hogs

The reason I mention this is not to discourage you - quite the opposite.  It is meant to ENcourage you!  Look deep within yourself.  What small change can you make that will start you (or help you continue) on your weight loss journey?

I think the best place to start is to truly track what you eat WITHOUT MODIFYING YOUR DIET AT ALL for a week or two.  This will help you to see where (when?) your trouble is.  My trouble time is right when I get home to start dinner.  I am usually SO hungry - so I start snacking as I'm cooking.  What is my plan?  I chew gum while I cook!  Either that or I will drink a tall glass of water and eat a piece of fruit. It usually keeps me out of the snack cabinet!  (Usually..... sometimes I slip!!)

Once you see your trouble areas it's time to get control of your food.  I think you need to continue tracking, but THIS time you need to try to keep within a certain food budget.  If you're doing Weight Watchers you need to calculate points.  If you're doing something other plan you need to figure out how many calories you're allotted a day and TRACK IT!!!

Do you want to eat better, but don't know how??  Then you need to learn some simple recipes!  Weight Watchers puts out a lot of really great cookbooks.  Most of them list on the top if the recipe is easy, moderate or advanced.  Try some easy ones!  Also - feel free to ask your friend that is a gourmet cook for some help!  She (he??) would be honored!  I don't think you can lose weight effectively if you eat from a box!  You need to shop at the outside edges of the store (where the fresh foods live) and stay the hell AWAY from boxes foods!

As an Aside:  When mud season ends in Lincoln I'm going to have a small Weight Watchers cooking party at my house!  I'll have you bring the ingredients to a recipe you haven't cooked before.  You can choose one of the ones that I've posted, or bring a new one!  We'll all work together to create some delicious meals that you can bring home for later!  We'll also have plenty of WW food to eat while we're cooking!  Who wants an invite?!?!?!?

If you truly do eat really well (which I will VERY quickly ask you to prove to me), then you need to focus on exercise!!!!  There IS time in your busy schedule to exercise!  You just have to make it a priority!  And if you miss a day don't beat yourself up over it!  Just make sure you exercise the next day!  :)

So, What is it?  What are you afraid of?  Why have you started to lose weight so many times and FAILED?  Is it because you treated your weight loss like it was a 4 letter word???  (D-I-E-T)  Don't be afraid of changing something - THAT IS NOT A DIET!!!!  A lifestyle change is what you're going for.  A permanent change that you can LIVE with!!!  :)

Who's in????

Oatmeal-Buttermilk Pancakes

PointsPlus: 7 per pancake

Serves: 4

Ingredients:
1 1/4 c. fat-free buttermilk
1/2 c. uncooked oatmeal (instant or regular - doesn't matter!)
1/2 t. vanilla extract
1 t. canola oil
2 large egg whites
1 1/4 c. all purpose flour (you can substitute 1/2 for whole wheat flour to boost the fiber content)
2 T. unpacked brown sugar
1/2 t. baking soda
1/2 t. salt

1.  Combine buttermilk, oats & vanilla; let stand, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes.  Stir in oil and egg whites.

2.  In a large bowl, mix together flour, sugar, baking soda & salt.  Add oat mixture to flour mixture and stir until smooth.

3.  Spoon about 2/3 c. of batter onto a hot, nonstick griddle.  Flip pancakes when tops are covered with bubbles and edges start to curl up.

If desired you can add 1 t. of mini chocolate chips for 1 PointsPlus.  :)

Before & After - same shot, 1 year apart! (aka OWN YOUR NUMBERS!!!!)

 Wow - what a difference a year makes!  These shots were taken approximately a year apart!  Same guy, same shirt - SKINNY girl!  :)

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am looking at these two pictures.  It gives me renewed vigor!  :)

I weighed in today.  I was 150.2.  So damn CLOSE to the 140s, but not quite there.  Grrrr......  NEXT WEEK!  :)  But guess what?!?!?!  I have now lost EXACTLY SIXTY POUNDS!!!!!  YEAH!!!!

I also got my cholesterol test results back.  In 2007, the last time I had a cholesterol test, my number was 199.  (Desirable is less than 200).  This year my number was 144!!!!!  I've dropped my cholesterol by 55 points just by modifying my diet & losing weight!  That was pretty exciting news too!

I am OWNING my numbers and I'm PROUD of them!!!  My next goal is to be in the 140s.  The next goal will be to get to my next 10% loss (138).  Then just three more pounds and I'll be at my goal of 135!!!!!