Busy days keep me from hogging out!!!!

I just don't find the time to eat!  Not that I didn't eat - don't worry about that!!!!!  It's just that I don't have those M-I-N-D-L-E-S-S noshing sessions that I used to have!

So - today I was BUSY!!!!!  I called the vet to update them on Zyla's progress (had to report the poops and pees!!!!) and was told to call their other office to speak with the doggie surgeon.  I called and was told they had a space for Zyla to have her surgery today!  So, we brought her in for her bionic bones surgery!  The last report was that she'd come through the surgery just fine.  She ended up having a dislocated femur on the right side & a pretty smashed up acetabulum - the 'socket' that the femoral head (or 'ball') plugs in to on her left side.  She had was is called a Femoral Head Ostectomy (FHO) - which is having the head of the femur cut off and the acetabulum repaired.  Then her little muscles will start the process of healing and will actually compensate for her not having the ball & socket any more!  AMAZING STUFF!!!!!  Her prognosis is WONDERFUL!!!!!  I can't believe this is the same little dog I thought was dead on Thursday night!  We're so relieved.....  I'm sure you can imagine! 

One funny thing - in looking at her x-rays the vet determined that she has an extra vertebrae in her backbone AND her sacrum (tail bone) is missing one of the vertebrae that are usually fused together - so she's a little mutant!  I always KNEW something wasn't quite right with her!  HEE HEE!!!!  There are times when she looks EXTRA long - we call her 'long dog'.  I wonder if it has anything to do with her extra bone!  :)

In this x-ray she is on her back, so the left side is actually her right, and vice-versa.

Anyhoo - after that I had to run to SoBu for a bit of work (ate my lunch on the way up), then had to jet back to Lincoln to pick up the boys, bathe them, feed them, floss them, brush teeth, blah blah blah....  By the time all of that was done I was pretty damn hungry!  I made a yummy salad, ate some other veggies & then had my requisite chocolate inhalation for the evening.  Since then I've been researching FHO on youtube.  I also got insurance with Progressive - their policies come with FREE PET INSURANCE!!!!!  And their rates are quite comparable to what I was already paying.  I hope I never need it - but it will be so good to have it!

The bad side of being so busy that I don't hog out is that I usually start to get so stressed about the smallest things that I sometimes just SNAP!  I snap at my kids, I snap at Scott, I just... freakin'.... SNAP!!!!!  I have this quick-to-anger temperament that I HATE about myself!!!!  I want to be calm.  I want to be like the other Mom's I see that just seem to have IT all together - whatever IT is!

Scott was mentioning today that as long as I have a 'cause' I'm happy.  I guess he's kind of right.  When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I made sure EVERYONE around me knew about my cancer, saw my boobs, felt them if they wanted to.... blah blah blah....  I was consumed by it.

When I was working on finding breast milk for my boys - same thing.  It consumed me.  I ate, slept, breathed donated milk!  It was MY THING!!!!!  (I should've had t-shirts printed up.  Oh WAIT - I DID!!!!!)  I had T-shirts printed up that had "TEAM TADPOLE" on the front & Mommy / www.feedmybaby.com on the back.  Everyone that was involved in the birth had a shirt.  Brandon's was "Daddy".  Aunt Ali's was "Coach".  Mom's was "Public Relations".  Dad's was "Videographer".  Yes - he videoed it.  Nothing is sacred.....  I can't remember what my brother's said.  I didn't sell them, but I did use them to advertise my website (which is sadly no longer active - someone bought it and wants $1500 for it.  Screw that!)




Now my cause is Zyla's care.  With over $3000 of vet bills I need to find a way to pay for them!  I'm thinking of t-shirts (they're gonna' be cute - trust me....) AND a pulled pork dinner fundraiser!!!!!  I make some KILLER pulled pork.  Really - I do!

Zyla before going into surgery

Well, I was thinking about this today....  When does my cause get to be ME????  I don't really get time for myself.  I'm always busy.  Always doing something.  Dishes, sweeping, laundry, folding laundry, picking it up off the damn floor.  Now we're going to be full-time nursing care / physical therapists for Zyla.  I spend so much time taking care of everyone ELSE in my life that I don't take care of ME!

At least I hadn't been taking care of me before....  Because now I am!  I've made the commitment to lead a healthier life.  I'm eating right.  I'm cooking some VERY healthy meals....  It is second nature for me to track everything that goes into my mouth now.  Absolutely automatic.  :)  I've been starting to exercise.  Not as much as I'd like to - but sugaring season, and now Zyla, has trumped exercise.  That does NOT mean I'm going to stop!  In fact, I'm going to try like hell to get to Zumba on Wednesday night.  (Unfortunately I can't tomorrow night as we're getting Zyla tomorrow afternoon and we'll have to settle her in at home).  I also would like to get to the gym to lift weights on Thursday.  But, if I don't, I'm going to do some weight training at home.  And then I've got Zumba on Saturday morning too.  I'm fitting exercise in.  Once sugaring season is over it will be a LOT easier for me to do some of my evening classes.

I've also GOT to carve out some personal time for me.  Time for just reading a book, or taking a spring walk, or just taking a poop without someone NEEDING me.  I think that is the hard part.  It is nice to be needed, but sometimes it just isn't.  Sometimes you just want to be left the hell alone and not hear ANYTHING related to being a caregiver!  (Especially when you've got to poop!)

So - I'm going to give that some thought and try to figure something wonderful out.  Maybe it will take the shape of getting a babysitter every Saturday night and just going somewhere.  Maybe it will be leaving the boys with Scott and going for a night time walk with my dogs.  Who knows.... but DAMN - I need to figure this out!!!!!

Ok - I was about to post my nutritional diary - but I haven't eaten anything 'dramatic' or super delicious yet this week.  So, in the interest of time (and so I can have some ME time before I go to bed) I'll just post my total PP for each day.  Deal?  Deal!

3/19 - 40 PP
3/20 - 44 PP (remember the wings???  I sure do!)
3/21 - 33 PP

G'night!

Buffalo Wild Wings..... REALLY?????

Ok, so the first day of my Spring into Summer challenge was today and I ate 7 Buffalo Wild Wings for 13 freakin' points.  REALLY!?!?!?!?  WTF was I thinking???? 

I'll tell you what I was thinking.  I was close to that damn restaurant, I haven't eaten there yet, and it was getting to be dinner time.  Damn.

THIS is what started this perfect disaster:

My brother, Jared, and I took our Mom clothes shopping today at Dress Barn.  Like a good WW / Challenge girl I packed a bottle of water and 4 clementines.  The perfect amount of snack for an afternoon of shopping.  I really only thought we'd be there for about an hour to get Mom 'a few things', then we'd be out the door.  Yeah, right.  Not so much.  I swear Mom tried on at LEAST 100 different pieces of clothing.  Shirts, skirts, pants.....  We found some REALLY cute stuff for her!!!!
 
This is the bad part - while we were finishing up I started thinking about my hungry little boys (they were sugaring with Scott & Grampa).  Because I was thinking about food I started thinking about the food that would be easy to feed them - and I came up with WINGS!  We were close to Buffalo Wild Wings so I figured that would be a quick & easy meal.

We ordered them & picked them up.  OH MY GAWD - they smelled SO DAMN GOOD!!!!!  Just to do a little pre-planning I decided to look up the points value on the way home .  HOLY EFFING CRAP!!!!!  Two PointsPlus / Wing!!!!  AIGH!!!!!  And I'd done really good today - and now I had DANGER sitting just INCHES next to me in the Jeep!!!!!

Well, this is what I decided to do.  On the way back from shopping we had to stop and check on Zyla.  I decided to make a quick salad when I was home so I could rip the meat off of several wings & throw them in the salad instead of just eating a ton of wings by themselves.  That way I'd keep my PP to a minimum & still be able to enjoy my wings.  It still brought me to 44 PP, but I still have many points left over for the week, so I'm not too stressed about it.

Zyla is doing really well, by the way.  She held her pee AND poop all day and I guessed that she was too much of a lady to mess in her crate so we brought her outside tonight and propped her up on a snow bank.  About 10 minutes later she'd done her business & we brought her back inside.  She even stood up on her own a little bit, which must have hurt like HELL!  Poor little girl.....

Wow.  I took a Trazedone to help me sleep and I'm getting all dizzy sitting here.

I'll end this now but I'll make sure to post my nutritional diary tomorrow.  I'll also make sure I whip up some good foods this week so I can post photos & recipes.  Last week kind of got away from me!  :)

Conspicuously absent......

So, I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't posted in a few days.  Well, even if you haven't noticed - believe me - *I* have!!!!!!

Wednesday is the last night that I blogged and SO MUCH has happened since then.

I had a relatively good day of eating on Thursday.  36 PointsPlus.  I went to Zumba and burned a bunch of calories.  Then - tragedy struck.  Dad, Scott & I were outside boiling sap to make sugar and we heard a car go by, then a strange 'thump'.  All of a sudden we realized that our dogs weren't around us and both Scott & I just had this very bad feeling.  Sure enough - our small female black lab / beagle mix (we call her a beaglador), Zyla, had been hit by a car.  The woman that hit her turned around to see what she'd hit.  She never saw her until the last second.  Zyla is a black dog.  It was a black night and she was darting across a black road.  The 'imperfect' storm, if you will......

I thought Zyla was dead.  She had a very faint heartbeat and was breathing very shallowly.  She was bleeding out her nose & mouth.  It.... Was.... Horrible.....  I had asked Scott to go into my parent's house to get a gun to put her out of her misery.  I just can't stand to see an animal suffer.

Well, when Scott got back to where Zyla & I were we decided to move her off the side of the road so we wouldn't become roadkill.  As we started to move her onto a piece of plywood she tried to sit up!!!!!  HOLY SHIT!!!!!  She was ALIVE!!!!!

So, we loaded her into the Rover & hauled ass up to the emergency vet.  The next morning, and $425 later, we were able to see her, and she was looking so much better!!  She totally recognized us and lifter her head in greeting.

We then brought her to our normal vet in Bristol and she stayed there for x-rays and observation.  We went yesterday with Preston to visit her at about 2:30 and she wagged her tail in greeting and was SO happy to see us!!!!!

She stayed overnight & this morning we called for a report and was told she was 'tremendously better'.  YAY!!!!!  We went to pick her up at about 11:30 and another $340 later we got some serious tail wagging, happy eyes & tongue licks!!!!!

The BAD news is her pelvis is fractured in several places and we're looking at some pretty expensive surgery.  :(  Poor little girl!!!!!  We're not even sure if she'll walk again.....

So - I have an idea.  I'm going to design some t-shirts to help to pay for her vet care.  I don't want donations, but I figured if we had some awesome t-shirts designed that people would buy them.  Whaddya' think?  Do you think people would buy a t-shirt?

The t-shirts are going to be based on this very true story:

Blazer, our black lab / blue tick hound mix has been very sad since Zyla was hit.  He came out to the road with us and found her and sniffed her.  I chased him back over the bridge and he was put in the house.  So - he really had no idea if she was alive or what.  So, he's been moping around and looking for his friend.

Last night I gave him Zyla's collar and he gently grabbed it in his mouth and put it in Zyla's spot in front of the fire.  I kind of thought it was a fluke so I took the collar away and gave it to him again.  He repeated that action no less than half a dozen times.  Each time very gently taking the collar in his mouth and laying it in front of the fire.  That is the dogs' night time spot.

Well, needless to say, Scott & I were sobbing as we were watching him do this.  He's a big dummy of a dog, and he has the biggest heart.  It was so touching to watch him repeat this ritual several times.  Scott's quote about this sweetness & love was this:  "You don't have to be smart to be a good friend"

This morning he brought the collar up onto the sofa with him.  The sofa is the dogs' daytime spot.  He was laying there with his nose pressed against her collar.  Just about broke my heart, but I knew he was going to be so excited to see his best friend!!!!!

When we brought her inside he just about turned himself inside out with excitement!!!!!  We put his harness on him and let him stick his head in her crate.  You could just see the sadness melt away and relief enter his body!  He was SO happy to have his best friend back!!!!!!

Grayson's quote about his devotion to his best friend was this: "If your best friend gets hurt make sure you take care of him."

So, I've got a cute little logo in mind, and I think we'll each come up with a sweet saying about best friends and dogs & print them on the shirts.  Anyone interested in a shirt????  Do you think they'll sell?????

So, back to Weight Watchers.  Today was weigh in.  I'm still 154.8.  So... nothing lost.... nothing gained.  I went slightly over on PointsPlus for the week.  I didn't stress eat.  In fact, yesterday was a VERY good day of eating.

I'm not going to post my nutritional diary for the past few days.  I'd rather go downstairs and sit next to my little Zyla.  I figured I'd start a new week with renewed vigor & attitude!  :)

I start my 7 week challenge tomorrow.  The first day of spring so I can Spring into Summer 14 lbs lighter!  It's going to be 7 weeks of eating right & exercising.  Incidentally - the last day of my challenge is the day before my Zumba Instructor Training!  So - this is a great jump start for me to be healthy enough to actually lead exercise classes!  :)  Wish me luck!!!!!!

Why do I do this to myself????

Wow - I have had a busy couple of days.  The sap is running like CRAZY so we've been tapping & just had our first boil tonight!  Hopefully we'll be making some syrup tomorrow night!!!!!

I feel like I've had a slightly out of control week.  I've been doing a terrible job of planning my meals, so I've had a few slip ups.  Nothing too major, but enough that I'm bummed.  I also think 'that time of the month' is upon me - so that might explain some of my freakish eating behaviors too!  I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off, and jump right back on the wagon!

I started the week planning on hitting Zumba on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.  Didn't make it.  I had some VERY serious intentions, even 1 hour before the class time, but sugaring got in the way.  I promise (I mean REALLY promise) that I will get to Zumba tomorrow night!!!!!  There is a class in New Haven at 6:30.  I will be there.

I've been obsessing about Zumba lately.  It is truly one of the funnest workout I've ever done.  In fact, I've signed up to be trained to be an instructor.  My class is in May, so hopefully after I'm all certified I'll have a few classes that I teach a couple of times a week.  Might as well get paid to lose weight!  :)  I'm also toying around with the idea of taking some nutrition classes.  I've had so much fun with posting recipes and eating healthy.  It would be great to be able to help others in their journey for health!

I joined a 7 week challenge today.  It is a challenge sponsored by my friend, Paula, to lose 14 lbs in the next 7 weeks.  We'll be weighing in on Sunday (I'll just use Saturday's weight) and keeping track of our weights on her blog.  She's lost close to 125 lbs and she's struggling with the last 25.  I'm down to the last 20 - so hopefully this challenge will bring me down to the last SIX!!!!!  Wouldn't THAT be AWESOME!?!?!??!??!

Ok - now for the blog of shame.....

Nutritional Diary - 3/16 Total PointsPlus - 46 (ACK!)
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + 1 c. raspberries (0 PP)

Lunch at the Bristol Bakery:
     3.5 c Spring Mix (0 PP) (so far, so good)
     3 oz. chicken breast (3 PP)
     1 1/2 oz. candied walnuts (7 PP) - oops!
     2 T. dried cranberries (1 PP)
     1/2 oz. gorgonzola cheese (1 PP)
     1 T. maple syrup (1 PP) w/ 1 T. balsamic vinaigrette glaze (0 PP)

Dinner:
     1 La Tortilla Factory (2 PP)
     1/4 c. grass-fed ground beef (2 PP)
     1/4 medium avocado (3 PP)
     2 T. shredded cheese (1 PP)
     1 c. tomato (0 PP)

Snacks - watch out - here comes FATTY!!!!
     1 Weight Watcher's Dark Chocolate Raspberry Ice Cream Bar (2 PP)
     1 oz. mozzarella cheese (2 PP)
     2 heels whole wheat bread (2 PP) w/ 2 t. peanut butter (2 PP)
     2 oz. chocolate covered almonds / blueberries
     2 T. dried cherries (2 PP)

Damn - I need to grab FRUIT instead of all of that other crap!!!!!!

Grrrr........

What do I feed my kids?????

I have been asked this question a lot.  And here is the answer - They eat what I eat!  We have a rule in our house - you HAVE to try at least one bite, and more than one bite if you like it!  My boys have often been pleasantly surprised when they taste a bite of something that they don't think they'll like.  I tell them that "this is something you LOVED eating when you were a baby!!!".  That usually gets them all excited.  My philosophy on kid eating is this - if they're hungry enough they'll eat what you offer them!  Don't get me wrong - there are definitely days when the pizza kit comes out of the freezer, but most of the time I prepare home-cooked meals & the boys are expected to eat them.

One trick I've come up with to get them to eat the food on their plates without much fuss is to get them involved in the process!  I'll give each kid a Weight Watchers cookbook and 5 sticky notes and ask them to look for 5 meals they'd like me to cook.  Luckily they start toward the front of the cookbooks (the desserts are in the back!) and they usually find several really good sounding meals.  Now that Grayson can read he always finds the seafood section and makes his choices from there.  Preston usually finds the steak / pork section.  They also like noodle-dishes a lot.  A lot of times I'll have them cook with me.  In fact, Grayson knows how to make waffles ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!!  :)

I also bring them to the grocery store with me and have them choose the veggies / fruits.  Preston is a big kiwi fan, and Grayson LOVES him some tomatoes!  Once it is farmers' market season we'll be there doing the same thing - choosing healthy & delicious foods to eat!  A really fun way to get your kids to eat fruits (if that is a struggle for you) is to make a giant rainbow with them!  We'll go to the grocery store and grab strawberries, mandarin oranges, pineapple (fresh - not canned - I can't STAND that stuff!!!), kiwi, blueberries & grapes - you get the picture.  We'll cut them into bite-sized pieces and arrange them on a large platter to look like a rainbow.  You can put cool-whip, mini marshmallows or yogurt as 'clouds' on the ends.  I give each kid a tooth pick and have them go crazy!  Sometimes when the boys each have a friend over I'll make this as one of their snacks.  They always think it is cool, and I think it's cook that they're eating so much fruit!
 

I also have days where we 'eat the rainbow'.  Mondays will be all red (apples & tomatoes), Tuesdays all orange (oranges & sweet potatoes), Wednesday will be yellow (bananas & yellow squash), etc....  We'll have a fruit & a veggie of each color.  This is a GREAT way to get kids to try new foods!  I also ask the kids for suggestions when we do this.  It does get challenging to find blue veggies, but we've decided that purple potatoes are close enough!  :)

Another trick with veggies is this:  Don't ask, "What kind of vegetable do you want with dinner?".  You KNOW the answer will be a very whiny "I don't want any veggies!!!".  Instead ask, "Do you want zucchini or green beans for dinner?".  You're more likely to get an answer that contains a vegetable with that question!  :)

(Speaking of veggies - if you're in the Addison County area of Vermont check out Elmer Farm.  They have a great CSA program.  My parent's joined last year and I couldn't believe how much great produce they brought home each week!!!!  I joined this year and I can't WAIT for farmers' market season!!!!  If you sign up make sure you mention that I sent you - I think I get a gift certificate or something!)

So, anyway, my kids eat what I eat.  There are rare instances where they just won't eat what I've made - and on those nights I just find some leftovers from the fridge (there are usually many of those!) and offer them something that I know they've eaten before.  I also make sure I put a lot of fruits / veggies on their plate, and that usually helps to fill them up!

If you have any tips - share them with me!!!!  :)

Nutritional Diary 3/14 - 35 Total PP
Breakfast:
     Coffee w/ 4 t. sugar (it was STRONG!!!) & 2 T. half 'n half (3 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + 1 banana (0 PP)

Lunch:
     1 serving Chili Verde (7 PP)
     1 c. white hominy (5 PP)

Dinner:
     1 serving Butternut Squash Mac 'n Cheese (7 PP)
     2 c. steamed cauliflower (0 PP)

Snacks:
     1 small clementine (0 PP)
     1 orange (0 PP)
     1/2 c. grapes (0 PP)
     1 cheese stick (2 PP)
     .75 oz. chocolate covered almonds (2 PP)
     1/2 c. Butternut Squash Fries (0 PP)
     1 serving Cherry Fool (this was a culinary disaster that was WW's fault!!!  The recipe is WRONG!  When I figure out how to fix it I'll post the recipe.  It still tasted good, though....) (2 PP)  w/ 1 T. mini chocolate chips (2 PP)

Thank you dear Blog......

..... you are stopping me from eating more.  I made the MOST DELICIOUS Butternut Squash Mac 'n Cheese tonight AND I WANT MORE!!!!!!  But, I'm probably not really hungry.  I inhaled the Mac 'n Cheese, so I need to give my stomach a chance to figure out that it is really full - so here I am!

Sometimes I think you just need an interrupt to stop yourself from pigging out.  It is so easy to be a 'mindless eater'.  Kind of like those 'mindless drivers' you pass going 55 mph in the left lane on the highway.  They THINK they're going fast, they MIGHT have been going fast, but now they're just zoning out and being a pain in the butt!!!!

My goal this week is to be mindful of what I am eating.  I have a goal of making it to 153 by the end of this week.  That is just shy of 2 lbs.  What am I going to do to reach that goal?

1.  I will go to the gym Monday to lift weights.  Tuesday night to do Zumba.  Wednesday night to do Zumba.  Thursday to lift weights & Friday I will treat myself to a massage.

2.  I will think very carefully before I put ANYTHING into my mouth.  I might choose to eat something, but I will weigh the costs & benefits associated with the consumption of it.

I think those two tasks will help me reach my goal.  We'll see how it goes!

Nutritional Diary 3/13 - 30 Total PointsPlus
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + 1 c. blueberries (0 PP) + 1 banana (0 PP)
     Coffee w/ 1 T. sugar (1 PP) + 4 T. Coconut Milk Cream (0 PP)

Lunch:
     5 oz. tuna, packed in water (4 PP)
     2 t. light mayo (1 PP)
     1/2 c. chopped pickled peppers (0 PP)
     1/2 c. carrots (0 PP)

Dinner:
     5 oz. Butternut Squash Fries (0 PP) - see recipe below!!!
     1 serving Butternut Squash Mac 'n Cheese (7 PP) - see recipe below!  VERY good!!!

Snacks:
     1 chocolate chip cookie (3 PP)
     2 maple glazed scones (9 PP) - see recipe below!
     3/4 oz. cracked pepper turkey breast (0 PP)

Hey - will you do me a favor!?!?!?  If anyone that is reading this blog makes any of the recipes I make can you please write a comment in the blog & let me know what you thought of it!?!?!?  Also - if there is anything you'd like me to find a Weight Watchers recipe for - let me know that too!!!
    

I'm such a loser......

...... OF WEIGHT, that is!!!!!  Yesterday's weigh in brought me to OVER 55 lbs of weight lost!!!!  WOOT!!!!!   I'm at 154.8.  Less than 2 pounds to get to my third 10% goal of 153.  I'm going to try to hit that by next weigh in!  After that it is just one more 10%, then 3 pounds, and I'm at goal!  That is less than 20 pounds!!!  That is REALLY starting to sound attainable!!!!

I've been spending a lot of time with my Dad lately with our sugaring, and I've been realizing just how much I have to be grateful for.  I have the BEST family in the world..... EVER!!!!!!!  My Mom & Dad love me and my brother so unconditionally.  I've caused them a lot of financial turmoil - with some very bad real estate investments - and I think if they were any other parents they would have probably have disowned me.  It makes me sick to think about the fact that they could be living a pretty comfortable retirement right now, and a decision that I made has made that seem pretty impossible.  Mom & Dad - I'm so sorry.  I love you guys so much and I wish like crazy that I could change the decisions I made in the past to make a better future for you guys.

I hate living with regrets.  I try really hard not to.  Some of the things in my past have paved the way for things in my future - and for a great many things I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  But I can't seem to wrap my mind around a few things.....  1.  How has the financial stress my decisions have placed on my parents been positive at all?  I just don't see it.   And 2.  Why did I need to gain 75 lbs?

I don't think I'll ever have an answer to #1, but perhaps there is a reason for #2.

Losing this weight has made me feel so GOOD about myself!  I felt so BAD about myself at 210.2 lbs, and I feel so GOOD at 154.8 lbs!!!!  I feel like I have grabbed destiny in my hand and *I* am in the drivers seat now!  Every time I hear the words "You look so great" it's such a HUGE boost.  I feel so good inside.  It is a feeling that everyone should have.  Hopefully you won't go through something as annoying as gaining 75 lbs just to lose them again, but I'm sure there's something in everyone's life that gives them that boost.  At least I hope there is.

I think I needed this weight gain / loss to reinvent myself in a way......  I never was that fat girl in my mind - I was always me, but when I looked in the mirror I didn't see me looking back at me.  I saw the fat girl.  I didn't want to see her anymore.  She was seriously bringing me down......

I'm so thankful for my friends & family.  My sons.  My boyfriend.  My life.  Wow - I am SO thankful for my life!!!!  I hope that all of you can find that thing you have to be thankful and grab onto it.  Use it to motivate you!!!!!

So, foodwise, last night I made a decision that makes very little sense to me.  I calculated all of my PointsPlus after eating dinner and I was at 30.  Good, right?  Well yes.... and no.  For some reason I decided to make chocolate chips cookies!  WTF?!?!?!?!?!?  I had a great day of eating and for SOME damn reason I tried to sabotage it!!!!!  Does that even make the tiniest bit of sense?!?!?!?!?  Well, it kind of does for me.  Once I start thinking about something, be it a treat, or a food, or whatever - I start obsessing about it.  I think this is a very NORMAL thing to do!!!!!  I'm not really big on cutting foods entirely out of my life.  I just need to make the best choices that I can, within the constraints of my WW PointsPlus allowance.  Yesterday was the beginning of my WW week - so I always feel like I have a little more leeway with my food choices than I do on Friday (which last week didn't seem to matter much, hee hee.....).  So, anyhoo, I decided that it would be smarter for me to go ahead and make the cookies, eat a few, then put them to rest.  My favorite way to eat cookies is raw - so once I cook them I'm pretty safe.  I COULD have gotten by with just eating one.  Instead, I ate 3.  That was annoying.  Instead of 3 PP I added TEN!!!!!  Argh......

Oh - on a POSITIVE note - I was around that same damn bag of Cheetos Cheese Curls yesterday, and I wasn't even tempted!  I'm willing to bet if I'd cheated the way I was PLANNING on cheating (you know - grabbing a few and not calculating the points) I probably would have grabbed a few more!  Knowledge is power!  :)

This morning I woke up, checked my e-mail & Facebook and I saw a recipe for maple glazed scones.  Ugh!  REALLY?!?!?!?  So of course, now I had to make the damn scones.  BUT, I decided to try to Weight Watcherize them.  What started as a ridiculously high PointsPlus treat turned into 4 PointsPlus!!!  Not too bad!!!!  As of this writing I still haven't eaten one.  I started out with my oatmeal & coffee, and decided that I'm not hungry for scones.  I'll probably eat one as my mid-afternoon snack.  I'll most likely be up in the woods tapping, so I'll need the pick me up!  Scott did try one - and he's not one to like scones.  He said that they were very good!  I think the process of me making them was what I was really craving, not really the scones themselves????  We'll see how many are left at the end of the day!  :)

Nutritional Diary 3/12 - 40 Total PP
Breakfast:
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     Jenn's Oatmeal (5 PP) + blueberries (0 PP)

Lunch:
     5 oz. tuna fish, canned in water (4 PP)
     2 t. Light mayo (1 PP)
     1/4 c. pickled peppers (0 PP)
     1/2 c. carrots (0 PP) - I mix these into my tuna instead of eating bread.  VERY yummy!
     1 La Tortilla Factory tortilla (2 PP) spread with 1/3 avocado (3 PP)
     2 small clementines (0 PP)

Dinner:
     Chili Verde made with zucchini AND spinach - SO GOOD!!!!  (7 PP)
     1 T. low fat sour cream (0 PP)
     1 La Tortilla Factory tortilla, sprayed with non-stick olive oil spray and baked in oven until crispy (2 PP)
     1 c. grapes (0 PP)

Snacks:
     1/4 c. white hominy (2 PP)
     Jenn's Coffee (2 PP)
     3 raw chocolate chip cookies (10 PP)