WHERE HAVE I BEEN???? I'll tell you where......

.... I've been on top of this freakin' PLATEAU!!!!  See that little arrow up there???  I'm standing RIGHT NEXT TO IT!!!!  In fact, I think you can call me the QUEEN of the plateau!!!!!  The lowest I've gotten this summer was 145, but that was only after juicing for 2 days THEN getting the flu and basically not eating & only sleeping for 4 days.  Not exactly the healthiest weight loss - and it didn't stick!  Dammit....

After I got to 145 I started calling Scott 'fat boy' because I officially weighed less than him (he's 148 lbs).  The name calling was short lived as I officially weighed in on Saturday morning at 149.8, so less than 150 but not THAT much less, and not less than Scott.....  Do you know how EXCITING it was to weigh less than him - IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!

I starting tracking again on Sunday.  I'm so sad to say that I haven't tracked for about 3 months.  So no WONDER I've been at this damn plateau!!!!!  I've said it before - I'll say it again.....

YOU CAN NOT LOSE WEIGHT IF YOU DON'T TRACK!!!!!

I've spent the last few months proving that one!!!!!  AIGH!!!!

So, I'm back on track (hee hee), teaching Zumba 5+ days a week (WOOT!), starting school in a month (DOUBLE WOOT!) and feeling good!  My 41st birthday is in a little over a week and honestly, I'm in the best shape of my life... I'm happy.... I'm healthy....  I am feeling SO good about myself!  Now I just want to get these last stubborn pounds off so I can be a Weight Watcher's Leader.  THAT IS MY GOAL!

13 pounds.  I'm going to try to shed them before the end of the year.  I'd love to wake up on January 1st, 2012 and finally NOT have my resolution revolve around my weight.  That will be so cool.....

JENN IS BACK!!!!!!!!  :)

Tomorrow is a new day......

This will make sense in a minute......

Argh.  After having such a good day on Monday I had to blow it today!  I went out and about WITHOUT FOOD!!!!  DUH!!!!!  Well, I did pack 6 clementines - which I polished off quickly.  And I grabbed a hummus / pretzel thingy at the store.  Didn't realize until AFTER I'd downed it that it had TEN FREAKIN' POINTS IN IT!  And I ate that before 12:00!!!!!  So, when I was really hungry for lunch I grabbed a chicken thigh at the grocery store (yes - I broke a cardinal sin - I went grocery shopping HUNGRY!)  I was just going to eat the thigh and not the yummy, crispy skin, but then I caved and ATE THE WHOLE THING!  Shit. I also grabbed an 8 oz loaf of freshly baked bread and scarfed down HALF of it!!!!  WITH BUTTER!!!!! DOUBLE SHIT!!!!

THEN I got to the Horse N Rebel to drop off some stuff I'd bought at Costco (no - I did not have to do any squats there so that means I didn't SNACK!  YEAH!) I ended up making a YUMMY fresh mozzarella cheese / tomato / basil salad (snacked a little bit on it - I had to taste it ya' know!) THEN I dug into 2 of my chocolate chip cookies.  DAMN!!!!

Then I went home, cooked dinner (SURF 'N TURF -  14 FREAKIN' POINTS!), made cookies for the Horse N Rebel (ate one raw - DAMN!) and then I quickly brushed my teeth so I'd stop the bleeding!!!!

I'm embarrassed to admit that I ate 57 points today!  I'm now NEGATIVE 9 in the week with 3 more days to go!  Guess who is going to be the QUEEN of GOOD for the rest of the week?  Guess who is going to ZUMBA tomorrow and Thursday nights?  ME ME ME!!!!!!

Luckily tomorrow is a new day.  This isn't the end of the world.  Really.  It isn't, right????

Where in the hell have I been!?!?!?!??!

Well, I haven't 'been' anywhere actually - I've just been BUSY!  AIGH!  But busy is a good thing for me - it keeps me from pigging out!!!!

So, I'm at my lowest weight since I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer!  I weighed in on Saturday morning and was pleasantly surprised with 149.8!!!!!!  WOOT!!!!!!  I am officially in the 140s!!!!!  That means I've lost OVER SIXTY POUNDS!!!!!  HOLY HELL!!!!!  It seems like WEEKS that I've been saying 'this week I'll get to the 140s' and DAMN - it feels good to finally BE there!!!!  :)

This is what 150 lbs looks like on me!

I've been staying within my points every week, not having too many snack attacks (but I still have them!).  I've found that if I stuff my face with fruit at about 3:30 I don't tend to snack as I'm cooking dinner.  I'm satisfied.....  It's a good feeling!  Clementines are my friend.......

I started cooking at the Horse N Rebel in Starksboro.  That is a challenge.  I'm making yummy things like chocolate chip cookies, brownies, pulled pork sammies, bbq beef sammies, sweet 'n sour coleslaw, etc......  I'm chewing gum like a fiend when I cook, but I still found the time to eat a few cookies that I hadn't scheduled into my daily points balance.  I have little self control when it comes to chocolate chip cookies.  I also have found a GREAT way to eat pulled pork.  Instead of on a kaiser roll I put it on top of salad with a few crumbles of blue cheese & a little balsamic vinaigrette glaze on top.  YUMMY!!!!  I'll be cooking there several days a week.  Stop in and say hey (and of course grab a sammie!)

This Saturday is my ZUMBA instructor training class!  I am SO excited to become an instructor!  I'm really hoping that I can teach every morning!!!!  I'd rather get my workouts done in the morning than at night.  It's so hard to have to find a sitter for my kids while I go to the gym.  I feel like I'm gypping them of their time with me.  I only have them every other week, so I really try to spend as much time with them as I can!  They're such awesome little dudes!  They really are growing up so quickly!  It's hard to remember how little they were when they were babies.  I see babies and can't believe that mine were ever that small!  :)  I can't believe the hospital staff let me take them home with me!!!!!  But, I digress.......

I have less than 15 lbs left to lose - 14.8 to be exact!  I'm really hoping that my little plateau is just that.... LITTLE!  If I can lose 1 - 2 lbs a week I'll get to my goal in no time!  Currently I'm just doing Zumba, but I definitely see that I need to get my buns into the gym to lift weights a few times a week.  I'm not trying to be a muscle head or anything, but my butt is FLABBY and I want to tone it up!  I can't believe that *I* have a flabby butt!!!!  I think I'll try setting my phone to beep every hour - and every hour I'll do 10 squats & 10 lunges on each side.  If I can do 50 - 80 squats / lunges each day I'll firm that butt up in no time!  :)  Yeah - that will be my May resolution!  :)

I'm off to bed - need my beauty sleep ya' know!  :)

Weight In - So tired of this crap!

So, yesterday was weigh-in and I gained another freakin' pound!!!!  So now I'm up to 152.4.  Needless to say - I am not impressed.  :/

I know - I know.... I've lost nearly 60 pounds!!!!  BUT - I still have 15 (17??) to go and it's KILLING ME that it's taking this long!!!!  AIGH!!!!!

I seem to have a 4 month attention span for losing weight, and I'm there.  I was thinking about the FIRST 30 lbs and at the 4 month mark I kind of lost my fight.  I pretty much maintained for over a year, then BAM - I lost 30 more.  Now, here I am, struggling with the last little bit.  Damn.

I'm so lucky that THIS time tracking is so automatic for me.  Last time I was a pencil & paper tracker, and it's so convenient to 'forget' to track if you don't have your stuff with you at all times.

This time I'm on my iPhone, so I really have no excuse not to keep constant track of my food.  Obviously it doesn't mean that I EAT well 100% of the time, but in general I'm making better & better food choices.  It's easy for me to walk away from the 'free samples' at the grocery store & Costco.  If they're free they're probably NOT point free!

I'm exercising regularly.  Last week - not so much.... It was the kids vacation so not only did I not get out to exercise as much as usual (I'm talking Zumba here, not walking & playing with me kids....), but I definitely ate a lot more crap than usual.  Something about making the peanut butter & jelly or honey sandwiches TOTALLY makes me crave one!  :)

So, Spring vacation is over.  The weather is getting nicer.  My Zumba training is in LESS than 2 weeks!!!  I really think that things are starting to turn around for me!

Easter is today.  We've got a nice & healthy meal planned.  I'll be eating lots of salad with my ham on it instead of ham with salad on the side.  I'm making 'portion controlled' chocolate chip cookies for dessert.  Everyone else gets 1 T. of batter per cookie - me - I'll get 1 TEASPOON of batter per cookie.  That way I can have a few!  :)

I also plan on getting outside to untap our trees and perhaps do a little sugar house organizing.

I hope you all have a healthy & Happy Easter!  Don't hog out on your kids Easter candy (I've only had 1 piece - I made sure to buy the crap I DO NOT like!), and get outside to enjoy this beautiful day!  :)

Where did my spark go????

For the past several days I haven't had any spark.  I could blame it on 'that time of the month', but I'm not really sure that is it!

I think it's because I haven't seen any real weight loss in a few weeks.  I'm at 151.2 so I'm hovering around the 60 lbs mark - and I feel like I've been there for a VERY LONG TIME!!!!!!  Yuck.  Not fun.  Not fun at all......

This is also my kids spring break, so I haven't been getting to the gym like I want to.  The babysitters seem to be out of town, so here I am.  Starting to get VERY stressed out about my weight & lack of exercise when I should be enjoying the time I have with my kids!  And don't get me wrong - I have been enjoying it - but I've also felt like a bit of a stress-monster too.  Once again, Yuck.

So, what am I going to do about it?  What CAN I control right now?

I can control my eating.  I've been bringing lunches with us wherever we go.  So for the most part I CAN control my eating.  But am I - NO!  Yesterday we went to the ECHO Center and I brought lunches with us.  But then we ended up going to Pizzaria Uno and ate half of Preston's pizza.  Nine points.  I also ordered steamed veggies for myself - very good.  But Really - DID I NEED TO EAT HALF OF PRESTON'S PIZZA?!?!?!?!  NO - I did not.  I'm disappointed in myself.  I know better than that.

Tonight I got home from being out and about (did REALLY good with my food until I was home too!), then I came home and BLEW IT!!!!!  I PIGGED OUT!!!!! WTF is WRONG with me?!?!?!??!

I'm not happy with myself.  I'm pissed at myself.  I don't want to become that fat woman that I was.  I want to be thin & healthy!  I want to WIN this!

Plan.  I need a plan.  BAD!  I'm tired.  Stressed.  Pissed.  Frustrated.  If it's not good I'm feeling it.

Sitting here, writing this blog as I'm crying is not fun.  This isn't the Jenn that is supposed to be so inspiring.  This is the Jenn that struggles and needs help.  This is the Jenn that needs inspiration from somewhere.  I'm supposed to be getting inspiration from inside myself, right?  Well - I'm not sure where it went.  I'm still tracking and I'm disgusting myself every evening.

I look at myself in the mirror and I look good to myself.  But I'm still overweight.  Fifteen freaking pounds and I'm still overweight.  Ugh.

I'm tired.  I need to regroup.  I need a plan.

I'm going to bed.  Hopefully something amazing will worm its way into my dreams.

Good Night. 

Sometimes you've just got to make it work! (aka - what do you want to be when you grow up?)

This is Sad Jenn at the thought of no Zumba!

Tonight my kids were in a singing performance at school.  Know what that meant?  NO ZUMBA tonight.  :(  It made me sad to think about missing out on my class.  So, I went to www.zumba.com and found a class at Curves in Hinesburg.  It was a circut class (which I've never been to), but I thought I should give it a try to see if that was a certification I'd like to get.  When I got there I was welcomed with open arms.  I decided not to do the circut (there were some weird-ass machines I've never seen in there!), but I Zumba'd for 30 minutes and worked up quite a sweat!  Six activity points!  Yeah!  :)

It would have been very easy for me to say 'to heck with it' and just skip, but I want this BAD!  I want to stop obsessing about losing the last 15 lbs and start obsessing about what I'm going to DO with the rest of my life!!!!  :)

I actually made a very big decision lately.  I've decided to go back to school.  I've got my degree in Marine Biology, but no real practical experience.  I've got a lot of business experience, but no degree!  So, it's been hard to find a job!  But MAN - I'm ready to work again!  So, I'm going to go to school to become an  aesthetician!  Waxing, Facials and my personal favorite the artistry of makeup!  (That last part was very tongue-in-cheek, by the way..... I'm not sure when I'll ever have a need for putting 'smokey eyes' on a woman.  But hey - we'll see!)

This looks so relaxing!!!  I want one!

It's a whopping 4 months of school - then get ready!  My skills will be unleashed somewhere in Addison (or perhaps Chittenden) County!  I'm actually pretty excited.  I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for several years.  Not really knowing what I want to be when I grow up.  I would have NEVER imagined being interested in aesthetics, but now that I've gotten a bit older (and perhaps wiser?) I see the need for teaching people how to take care of their skin & taking good care of my own!!

In fact, a few weeks ago I went and had a facial - and I swear.  I looked 10 years younger when I was through!  I'm really lucky that I didn't spend my youth baking in the sun, and considering I'm 40 I think my skin looks pretty damn good!  But there's no time like the present to take care of myself so I look SMOKIN' HOT as a 50, 60, 70 year old!  :)

An Aside:  My ex-boyfriend from a million years ago's Mom, Grace, was in her 60's, and she had AMAZING skin!  I want to be like her!  :)

Wow - what in the heck does that have to do with weight loss?  Um... absolutely nothing!  But, wait.... maybe it does????

Losing weight makes you feel good.  When you feel good you want to do all that you can to look good.  Looking good - aesthetics.... I see the connection!  :)

So, once I'm 'settled' I'll be teaching 4 - 6 Zumba classes a week (that is my goal), I'll be a kick ass aesthetician & I'll be at GOAL!  Plus, once I'm at goal, I really want to be a Weight Watchers leader!  I think I'd be good at it.  I seem to motivate people.  It makes me feel good to help people move toward their goals....

Sounds like I finally know what I want to be when I grow up!

Do you know what you want to to/be when you grow up?  Do you want to motivate your kids / spouse / friends?  Do you want to live a happy & healthy life?  Do you want to fit into a sexy little black dress?  You need to do some serious thinking about what your goals are so that you can start to move toward them!

Back when I was 210.2 lbs I had no goals.  I had no motivation.  I have no IDEA what I wanted to do when I grew up!  I was in a marriage that was steadily getting unhappier.  I was fat.  I was close to filing for bankruptcy.  I lost several homes in Massachusetts to foreclosure.  The shit was hitting the FAN!!!!!

Now that I've got some defined goals I see the path I need to take to get there.  And let me tell you, there is NOTHING that will get in the way of a focused & motivated Jenn.  NOTHING!!!!  Not even a decadent piece of dark chocolate!  :)

So, I haven't cooked any amazing recipes in a week or so.  This week has been nuts, but NEXT week is the kids vacation!  I'm going to spend some time planning meals with the boys this weekend.  Expect some masterpieces coming out of my kitchen next week!  If anyone is interested in coming over to cook a meal, just let me know!  I'll do everything I can to help you create a delicious & healthy meal your whole family will love! :)

Why is everyone so afraid of vegetables????

Two things happened in the past two days to make me say this.

First thing - a friend of mine was doing my hair (Thanks Michelle - it looks so SEXY!!!) and she told me she wanted to try making the Enchilada Suizas for her family.  (In fact, I have a batch in the oven right now!  Smells so GOOD!)  I showed her a picture of what they look like on my phone and she said "WOW!".  Then she wanted me to show the picture to her husband and the first thing out of his mouth was - "What's all of the green stuff?"  :)

Second thing - I was reading Cooking Light Magazine last night and in the note from the editor it was saying that the Secretaries of Agriculture & Health and Human Services unveiled the new Dietary Guidelines for Americans at the end of January.  The guidelines are based on a 2010 report that 'obesity is the single greatest threat to public health in this country'.  Does that scare you?  IT SHOULD!!!!  It sounds like that means that obesity is a bigger threat than cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc!!!!  WOW!!!!!  And guess what - OBESITY CAN BE CURED!!!!!!  And by 'curing' your obesity you can cure (or at least prevent) many of the diseases that obesity contributes to.

Anyhoo - the report made specific mention that our dietary habits are linked to obesity.  NO KIDDING!!!!!

The letter went on to say that many of us are getting fat because we're eating a diet where 'bad fats' and 'empty-calorie sugars' push nutrient-rich foods (PLANTS) off of our plates.  The general message of the new guidelines is to eat less food, but to eat more plants, exercise more & watch fats, sugars & salt.  All of this should come as NO SURPRISE to ANYONE!!!!  This is how we are supposed to eat!  Where along the way did boxed foods, that are full of calories and BAD STUFF, become the norm?

I was a lucky child.  My Mom didn't subscribe to the convenience of boxed foods.  She cooked us some VERY healthy meals!!!!  We didn't have chips & soda in the house, and I'm not a chips & soda kind of a girl!  She cooked most of our meals from scratch, AND SO DO I!!!!!

I'm so afraid for our next generation.  I go grocery shopping and I look at the baskets of the other shoppers and I can't BELIEVE how much CRAP is in there!!!!  Do people not know how to cook, or do they truly feel like they don't have the time?  Well honey - You'd better MAKE the time, or you're going to end up with some FAT KIDS!!!!!  I don't want the legacy that I leave my kids to be worn on their asses!  I want them to be able to impress the HELL outta' their girlfriends by being able to whip up a great, healthy meal!

Part of teaching our kids has GOT to include teaching them how to eat healthy foods.  So many parents complain that their kids don't eat vegetables, so they don't offer them to their kids.  Well, I ask you - how in the HELL are your kids supposed to start eating veggies if they aren't even on their plates?!?!??!?  Do you think little Suzie is going to say to her parents, "May I please have some broccoli?".  Um, NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!!  BUT, if given the choice between green beans & broccoli she'll have to choose one!!  Then, once it's on her plate, she's more likely to try it!

There is a website (www.mypyramid.gov) that tells you how much you're supposed to eat daily according to the new guidelines based on your age, weight & gender.  I just plugged in my boys and they're supposed to eat 2 cups of veggies & 1/1/2 cups of fruits PER DAY!!!!!  How many kids do you think eat their recommended amount of fruits & veggies a day?  I'd hazard to guess NOT MANY!

It looks like about a third of our diet should come from fruits & veggies!!!

I plugged my info in and I was immediately told that my weight is above the healthy range for me height.  It then gave me the choice to see how much I'm supposed to eat daily based on maintaining my current weight or if I want to 'gradually move toward a healthier weight'.  I chose the healthier weight option.  I'm supposed to eat 2 1/2 cups of veggies and 2 cups of fruit a day.  Now that I'm eating Weight Watchers-style I'm sure I get that much a day, but before I started making better choices I'm sure there were rare days that I ate that many veggies & fruits.

The website also has these great tips on how to encourage your kids to eat their veggies:

Vegetable tips for children:

• Set a good example for children by eating vegetables with meals and as snacks.
• Let children decide on the dinner vegetables or what goes into salads.
• Depending on their age, children can help shop for, clean, peel, or cut up vegetables.
• Allow children to pick a new vegetable to try while shopping.
• Use cut-up vegetables as part of afternoon snacks.
• Children often prefer foods served separately. So, rather than mixed vegetables try serving two vegetables separately.

OK - moving on.  What is it about veggies that is so SCARY to people?  It really makes no sense to me!  I LOVE VEGGIES!!!!  I LOVE FRUIT!!!!  It's not a chore to eat those foods - it is a  TREAT!!!  I love trying new veggies that I've never tried before.  If you're unsure of how to cook a veggie look it up on YouTube or in The Joy Of Cooking.  Make a commitment to buy a new fruit or veggies each time you go grocery shopping - you just might find a new favorite!  :)

So, some of my favorite veggies are going to be FREE in just a few weeks!!!!  Fiddle head Ferns, Wild Leeks & Cattails!!!!  My Mom also likes Marsh Marigolds (aka Cow Slips), but I find them to be quite bitter.  I do try them each year - perhaps this year I'll find an AMAZING recipe for them!  :)

Fiddle head Ferns

Cattails

Wild Leeks, aka Ramps

Marsh Marigold, aka Cow Slips

I'll be making Wild Leek Potato Soup & Ramp Pesto.  I'll also slice up the greens and put them in salads. I'm going to try pickling some with asparagus (Thanks Cooking Light for the recipe!).  I'll saute the fiddle heads in a little bit of olive oil & just a sprinkle of salt.  I'll steam the cattails.  I'll pick the Marsh Marigolds for Mom!  :)

Here are a few recipe suggestions.  If anyone wants to go foraging with me for some wild edibles, just let me know!  :)

How to cook Wild Leeks.  http://www.slashfood.com/2008/06/20/ramp-pesto-recipe/

How to cook Cattails. http://www.slashfood.com/2008/05/25/cattails-the-supermarket-of-the-swamp/

How to cook Fiddle Head Ferns.  http://localfoods.about.com/od/spring/r/Fiddleheadsaute.htm

How to cook Marsh Marigold.  http://patesden.livejournal.com/71853.html

Don't be afraid of veggies!  Hug them!  Kiss them!  EAT THEM!!!!  :)